Your ex’s birthday is coming up, and you’re sitting there with your phone in hand, debating whether to send that little “Happy Birthday” text ... and, of course, which emoji to go with it. It seems harmless, right? Maybe even polite. And I get it. You want to show that you still care and remember the important things.

But, often, the more caring thing to do would be to let yourself—and your ex—heal in peace. This seemingly simple gesture is actually loaded with more emotional baggage than you realize, whether you were the one to end the relationship or not. Here’s why:

1. It Keeps the Emotional Connection Alive

Breakups are hard, regardless of which side of it you’re on and how long you were together, and one of the main goals post-breakup should be to sever emotional ties. (Of course, if you share children, there are always caveats to the “no contact” rule.) Sending a birthday text does the exact opposite. It’s a way of keeping that door open, even if just a crack. You might tell yourself that it’s just a friendly gesture, but underneath it all, there’s often a hidden motive—whether it’s to get a response, reignite a conversation or just remind your ex that you’re still thinking about them.

2. It’s a Setback in Your—Or Their—Healing Process

Moving on from a relationship is somewhat like detoxing from an addiction—any contact with your “substance” (in this case, your ex) can trigger a relapse. It’s not just about the message itself but also the emotional aftermath that comes with it. Will they reply? What will they say? If they don’t reply, what does that mean? Suddenly, you’re spiraling into overthinking mode, analyzing every detail, and all the progress you made in moving on has just been undone by that one seemingly harmless text.

3. It Sends Mixed Signals

Think about the message you’re sending—both to your ex and to yourself. Wishing your ex a happy birthday could be interpreted as a sign that you’re still emotionally invested in the relationship, especially if you’re the person who ended things. Seeing your name in your ex’s phone may cause a regression in moving on, which really isn’t fair. You don’t want to be that person who sends mixed signals, keeping the door open just enough to keep both of you in limbo.

4. It’s Often More About You Than Them

When you’re contemplating sending that birthday text, it’s not always about being kind to your ex, is it? Sometimes, it’s about soothing your own discomfort, loneliness or curiosity. But here’s the thing: Your healing and growth shouldn’t depend on a fleeting interaction with someone from your past. True closure comes from within, not from a text exchange that’s likely to leave you feeling more unsettled, and probably worse, than before.

5. It’s OK to Let Go

Letting go doesn’t mean you’re erasing the good times or pretending the relationship never happened or that you no longer care. It simply means that you’re choosing to prioritize your well-being and emotional health. Sometimes the kindest thing you can do for yourself is to let go.

In the grand scheme of things, that birthday text might seem like an insignificant gesture, but it can have big implications. So, before you hit send, take a step back and ask yourself if this is truly what you need to do for your growth. Instead, put down the phone, take a deep breath and focus on moving forward. Your future self will thank you.

©2024 Tribune Content Agency, LLC