ArcaMax

DEAR SUSAN: I happened to catch your column titled "Workaholism -- Part 1." In my opinion, you nailed it. Women are quickly overtaking men as the workaholic gender, and it's very damaging to their relationships -- in particular, their romantic relationships. I Ieft a five-year relationship with a woman, primarily over disputes about work-life balance. If you have no time to spend with me, I'd rather not be tied to you. I don't want to be with someone who just needs a man to bring to the office party. I'd rather be alone and free to pursue what I want. These were my parting words:

Yes, I see that you are running hard.

Yes, I see that you are doing a great job providing for your daughter, and I respect you for it.

Yes, I see that you have no money in the bank.

Yes, I see that you don't have a pension or a 401(k).

But I also see that:

It's just work.

We all hate our jobs.

You're not exactly destitute. There seem to be good food and wine on the table, and you haven't had to resort to begging on the street.

You haven't fired your housekeeper.

Your house isn't in danger of being foreclosed on.

You have enough equity in your house to make you a 1 percenter.

You yourself are responsible for having no money in the bank. You could give yourself a buffer, but you won't.

You are angry and stressed -- beyond belief -- and it corrodes other parts of your life.

I also see that you could die next week in a car accident and you would have spent your last week on earth closing deals instead of walking on the beach or biking through the park.

You need to find a way to find some happiness where you are in life and shed some anger. Leave me out of the equation; do it for yourself.

But this arouses seething anger in you -- because it's all true. And I won't stand for it. -- A Reader in Santa Rosa, Calif.

DEAR READER: You were caught in a whirlpool of issues that are swirling around the culture. Women want to be self-supporting and independent, but that can take a huge toll on their romantic relationships. I wonder whether in a year or two, looking back on this, your ex will feel justified in what she's been doing with her time. Time is the coin of life, and how you spend it is all-important. Thank you so much for writing in.

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