Single File: Reasons Why
DEAR SUSAN: The other day, a friend said that I'm angry at men and I seem to resent them, even if they're nice. Any thoughts on why this could be? -- Sallie D., New York City
DEAR SALLIE: There are many possible roots to your anti-male mindset, starting with the family dynamics in your home. I'd like you to scan the whole list of possibilities before going back to the first and giving it careful consideration. (This gives your brain a head start.) And please take your time answering; let your thoughts drift to memories, significant incidents, strong feelings and fears. Now, before you read the first word, take a deep breath; exhale slowly; then (and only then) begin to read.
Has a man abused you physically or emotionally?
Were you badly burned by a teenage crush?
Did your father hurt your mother in significant ways?
Did she complain to you about him -- and men in general?
Was your father reluctant to show you love/approval?
Did your brother leave you out of things? Did you sense the family preferred him?
Do you use the cause of feminism/independence/women's rights (or any other cause) as a cover for your deep resentment of men?
Do you find that men don't deliver on their promises?
Was your father an abuser? Alcoholic?
Does your anger toward men frighten you? Do you fear that if it were released, it would drown you?
Have you ever had a good friendship with a man? Do you want one?
What is it about men that ticks you off?
Do you believe you are friendly toward men?
Do your girlfriends share your anger toward men?
Do you think you could truly like a man, minus sex and romance, in a purely platonic relationship?
Sallie, what have you learned from your answers that may bring you closer to the other gender, the one that's neither alien nor enemy? My hope is you will stop judging every man as stereotypical and give him a chance to show his goodness.
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