ArcaMax

DEAR SUSAN: I've been writing to a man on an online dating service for four months. We're both single, and he seems to know I'm hung up on him. But now he says he doesn't want to write to me as often as before. He says writing to me isn't fun anymore! What can I do to let him know how much I care for him? -- Clara

DEAR CLARA: Four months does not a relationship make! Your neediness evidently got in the way of his fun, so he's calling it a day. For that, give thanks. The man (little boy, actually) has no use for "serious," and in time you'd only be hurt deeply, again and again. So wash your pretty face and brush your hair and say out loud to the world, "It's over, and it was only my private dream world. I'm hurt, but I learned a lot." Then get on the horn and ask some friends to come over to share a laugh -- and a sob or two. Everyone in the crying game (aka dating) knows the very best way to soften the blow of unrequited love is to hear friends dissect it! And Clara, somewhere inside, in your heart of hearts, you always suspected this was a mirage made for Las Vegas -- but not for you.

DEAR SUSAN: I've been in a wheelchair for seven years, and all this time I've been trying to find someone to love me when I love them. Women seem to be afraid of me, so I'm ignored. What I'm trying to say is that I need someone; I'm tired of this single life. -- Kurt.

DEAR KURT: Finding a soul mate is tough enough under ideal conditions -- if there are any. Being wheelchair-bound adds its own universe of challenges. Women seem to be intimidated by the need to bend down to look into a man's eyes (even when they're tender and loving, as yours must be). You need an intermediary, someone to bridge that meaningful gap that's so significant at the first meeting. Having a friend -- female, easy on the eyes -- standing close by would diffuse any fear or shyness women might have answering your smile and, at the same time, testify to your desirability! (You may be in a wheelchair, but that doesn't reduce your manly aura.) And face it: There's nothing like another woman in the picture to rev up female competitiveness! My sense is once you've bridged the physical space between you and womankind, once the woman is on your level, you'll handle the rest -- and handle it well. Keep me posted on developments.

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