Ask Amy: Mother frets about daughter’s alcoholism
Aside from therapy and Al-Anon (or another “friends and family” support program), my suggestion is to love your daughter through this. Maintain frequent contact, spend time together, and maintain your relationship as well as you can, aside from her addiction. Offer her a judgment-neutral safe harbor so she won’t become isolated, and encourage her to seek treatment without letting her alcoholism become her primary identity in your relationship.
Those are some things you can do for her.
For your own sake, you should maintain some boundaries. Don’t serve alcohol to her in your home. Don’t make excuses for her. Don’t let her alcoholism run your life. Offer to support her recovery, but don’t enable her addiction. Read, or reread, “ Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself,” by Melody Beattie (2022, Hazelden).
Dear Amy: My husband is a wonderful man.
We’ve been married more than 40 years.
He has children who are now in their 50s from a previous marriage, and we all get along great.
His two daughters are quite overweight. He wants to say something to them and perhaps incentivize them to lose weight by offering to pay for any remedies to get their weight-loss process going.
I too have had a weight problem and have slowly lost 50 pounds over the past 10 years. I’ve been hoping to lead by example.
I think he’s making a mistake to bring weight up to his girls.
But he says he’s their father and he needs to approach them for their health’s sake. What do you think?
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