ArcaMax

My brother and I never speak. We're not estranged or anything, but we've never really been close, even as kids. We hardly even converse at family functions.

Now my brother is coming to my area soon with his young son. He sent me a text asking if I wanted to meet up with them.

He made this trip a few years ago with his older child and I didn't even know about it until after they had left. I know (well strongly suspect) that he only asked to see me because my parents (mainly our mom) insisted that he do so.

Is it wrong of me to not be particularly interested or motivated to meet?

Is it just me that his offer seems a bit disingenuous?

– I'm Really Doing Fine

Dear Doing Fine: When it comes to family relationships, motivations are many, varied, and slippery. Sometimes we visit our folks because we feel guilty, endure birthday parties out of obligation, or attend awkward Thanksgiving feasts for the sake of family unity.

And sometimes, we try to renew a dormant sibling relationship because our parents ask us to.

So yes, your brother’s effort to reach out may in fact be disingenuous or due to pressure from your mother, but your mutual obligation (his to reach out, yours to accept) might lead to something surprising and positive.

Dear Amy: “Demanding Gram” wanted her teenage granddaughter to keep her room neater when she visited.

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