ArcaMax

Dear Upset: You obviously deplore your daughter's choices and her judgment. I assume you have an extremely low opinion of the man she is in love with.

You have set up strict financial controls with the phone and car, requiring that you monitor her (impossible to do). Either pay for them, or have her pay for them. Don't use these things to control her.

You should continue to offer housing and school tuition as long as she stays in school, full time.

You should decline to fight with her about this. You don't want to make things so difficult that she clings even harder to this other relationship.

If she doesn't like the deal she has at home, then tell her she is free to leave, but she will lose your financial support. She will face the natural consequences of her actions, which include disappointing her parents and being a party to the hurt and heartbreak of another family.

You should let her know that you will always love her, no matter what. Don't disown her out of anger, but allow her to leave home with your blessing. There is a big difference between the two.

Dear Amy: I'm a 30-year-old man who was in a relationship with a girl (28) for about a year. It was an up-and-down relationship, but we started talking about the future together in a serious way (moving in, having kids).

We got into a big fight. The fight started because she was being bitchy, put me down, and said some hurtful things. I yelled.

I said sometimes she made me feel like an idiot. I used a vulgar profanity.

I immediately and genuinely apologized. She said no one had ever talked to her that way, although she told me a previous boyfriend hit her, and she was also abused when she was young.

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