Elderly mother is stressed by Sis' calls
Dear Flawed: Why do these people hold so much power over you, even to the extent that you worry about their hurt feelings when they themselves have declined an invitation?
They are responsible for their own feelings. They are responsible for their own behavior.
Some friendships simply run their course. It sounds like you need to break up with these people.
Breakups are hard. Feelings do get hurt. If you have tried mightily to have a positive friendship and these people can't play, then you should stop spending time with them. The other couple might choose to maintain the friendship, but you will feel liberated if you exit, respectfully and deliberately. You can say to them, "We're at different points in our lives now, and we can't seem to find a way to spend time with you that is positive and enjoyable."
Dear Amy: "Perplexed" described a familiar dynamic for people who write to you. Her (adult) daughter was being a pill, but Perplexed didn't know what to say to her!
Why are people so afraid of their children?
-- Unafraid
Dear Unafraid: It can be very hard to offer criticism to people you love. And yet, when you really love someone, that is exactly what you have to do.
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(You can contact Amy Dickinson via email: askamy@tribpub.com. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or "like" her on Facebook. Amy Dickinson's memoir, "The Mighty Queens of Freeville: A Mother, a Daughter and the Town that Raised Them" (Hyperion), is available in bookstores.)
