Elderly mother is stressed by Sis' calls
-- Trickle Down Stress
Dear Trickle Down: You cannot ask your sister not to call your mother.
Instead, you should do two things: Ask your sister to be aware of the impact her daily narration has on your mother. Tell her, "She worries excessively about you and ruminates on your situation. This is affecting her health. Can you be more mindful of this when you talk to her?" She needn't pretend that her life is perfect, but she could change her tone if she wanted to.
Your second focus should be on helping your mother to manage her own stress. Continue to reassure her that your sister has options, and that she is just blowing off steam. Simple meditation techniques could help both of you: Close your eyes, breathe deeply, and visualize releasing these stressors as little balloons or butterflies that flutter skyward.
Dear Amy: My husband and I have been friends with two other couples since we were all young parents.
Twenty years later, we are in our early 50s and our children are busy tackling college and careers. The problem is that one couple seems to be aging less gracefully than the others.
They have become increasingly judgmental, self-righteous and hypocritically condescending. They are like a bad caricature of spiteful old curmudgeons, constantly finding fault. Our adult children are regular targets of their barbed comments.
We enjoy getting together with the other couple. But with such a long history, meeting without the grumpy couple (even if they have been invited and declined to attend) leads to hurt feelings, and they then express even greater levels of bitterness.
Is there a way to address this without exacerbating their behavior? I am afraid that bringing it up will just add fuel to their negative feelings. I can't see moving into the next decade, if being with them means constantly feeling judged.
-- Flawed Friendship
...continued
