He wants to fix dysfunctional family
Should we just say nothing? What is the correct thing to do? -- Worried Parents
Dear Worried: If your daughter has gained a significant amount of weight in a relatively short period of time, then she could have an underlying health issue.
The weight gain itself puts her at risk for other health problems.
Many young adults don't see a doctor regularly. Does she have a doctor? Ask her when was the last time she saw her doctor (and dentist). Encourage her to get a checkup, and -- yes -- do say, "I know you've put on weight; most people struggle with this at some point, but I just want to make sure you pay close attention to your health to make sure there isn't an underlying problem."
Maintain a neutral tone, don't bug her about it, don't tell her she "has a beautiful face," and if she responds by being overly sensitive, it is because you have touched upon a very sensitive issue that is tough and tender for most people.
Dear Amy: "Worried MIL" had a tense visit with her son and daughter-in-law. Now she has been invited back for a week-long visit and is worried about how to handle the visit. You had really good advice for her; however, maybe you could have pointed out that a week is too long to visit even someone who wants you, let alone someone who sees you as an obligation. Remember the old, but excellent, rule about "fish and relatives starting to smell after three days!" Three days is the maximum for almost all visits. -- Elizabeth
Dear Elizabeth: I completely agree.
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(You can contact Amy Dickinson via email: askamy@tribpub.com. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or "like" her on Facebook. Amy Dickinson's memoir, "The Mighty Queens of Freeville: A Mother, a Daughter and the Town that Raised Them" (Hyperion), is available in bookstores.)
