He wants to fix dysfunctional family
I do deeply care about my brother-in-law, but the good in him is often buried under a lifetime of being a spoiled brat with little consequence. -- Middleman
Dear Middleman: It is a unique challenge to watch family members swim around in their own dysfunctional pool, but before jumping in to join them, you should remind yourself of this: Things would be different, if they wanted them to be different.
If a family member comes to you and actually mouths these words: "What should I do?" Then you can leap in with all of your wisdom. Otherwise, you must always respond to each family member with your own brand of authenticity.
Staying on friendly terms is ideal, but you should not have to compromise your own values to do so. So, for instance, if your brother-in-law is a jerk in your home -- trashing family members -- you should say to him, "We don't appreciate that; if you can't find another topic we'll have to say goodbye and see you another time."
If your brother-in-law is doing anything illegal or dangerous, you should let the parents know. Otherwise, stay out of it.
You and your wife should be consistent to all parties in this domestic drama: "This seems tough. It sounds like you all shouldn't live together."
Dear Amy: Is it ever OK to discuss a child's weight gain?
We have a wonderful mid-20s daughter who has a small frame.
She has a good job, is very responsible, pleasant, of good character and is well-liked.
She has gained a significant amount of weight in the past couple years. Because she is very sensitive, we are unsure about how to talk to her about this.
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