IRVING, Texas — Jake Paul vs. Mike Tyson is legalized human cock fighting, an event that needs the promotion line of, “Why Not? We’re All Gonna Die.”

Tyson should be dead already, so stepping back in to the ring to fight a YouTube influencer is free money in a life on extended time. Few athletes in the last 40 years have cheated death, and won, more than Iron Mike. What is one more hit to the head going to do?

Tyson came from not nothing but less than; he made himself into the most feared man in the world with a deranged ferocity that scares men, mortals, immortals, bears, lions, specters and biblical creations. Much of Tyson’s famous pre-fight rhetoric was ticket-selling shtick, but there is just enough street crazy that anyone who wants to distinguish one from the other really needs the money, is crazy, or both.

Social media star Jake Paul has made a nice career boxing against (older) UFC guys who aren’t trained boxers, and on Friday night he will stage the ultimate “F--- Around & Find Out” bout. Paul’s fight against Tyson is the headliner of a what is solid fight card that is Netflix’s first dip into live sports.

Tyson v. Paul is at AT&T Stadium but should be at the Texas State Fair, next to the Bearded Lady, the World’s Largest Rat and the pig races.

On Wednesday night at the Toyota Music Factory in Irving, Tyson met Paul for a press conference in one last push to sell more tickets, and subscriptions to Netflix. According to StubHub, this event is “the best-selling event at AT&T Stadium this year.” More than 60,000 are expected to attend an event where the main fight will consist of 16 minutes of action.

This is an 8 million calorie awful idea, with the potential of being far worse than Muhammad Ali’s famous last fight, when he was destroyed by Larry Holmes, in 1980, an event titled, “The Last Hurrah.” Ali was already showing early signs of Parkinson’s disease, but the event proceeded because there was money to be made.

Ali was 38.

Paul may not be an established boxer, but he is 27 and his opponent is 58. Boxing is inherently dangerous, but this is desperately dumb.

Paul v. Tyson is actually sanctioned by the Texas Department of Licensing and Regulation, and, in some states, this is a fight people can place a bet. Paul is the favorite, because Tyson is old enough to be an AARP member.

“I’m fine with everything,” Tyson said Wednesday of being the underdog. “I’m fine with everything.”

At the press conference, which played out more like a reality TV circus show, Tyson did not look and sound like the old Iron Mike. He just look and sounded like an old Mike. He answered questions with barely more than a few words.

His longest answer: “I’m just ready to fight. I’ve said everything I have to say. I’m just looking forward to fighting.”

When pressed on one question, he said defiantly, “I’m not gonna lose. I’M NOT GONNA LOSE!”

That was the closest we heard, or saw, of the baddest man on the planet.

Paul was in full sales pitch mode, right down to wearing diamond studded protectors over both ears. So he won’t get his ear bit off. Paul called Tyson’s performance in the press conference, “Boring.”

The fighters are required to wear 14-oz. gloves rather than the standard 10-oz. The match will feature two-minute rounds rather than three, and it’s eight rounds as opposed to 10 or 12. In the fight game, these are significant differences.

This fight is an exhibition that only is sanctioned by an “official” governing body because the soul of the sport is a contradiction; it has rules, safety measures and ethics for ... fighting.

Boxing is no joke, but this event is.

The last time we saw Tyson in a sanctioned fight, in 2005, he was almost 39 and was knocked out by journeyman Kevin McBride. Tyson said after the fight, “I do not have the guts to be in this sport anymore. I’m sorry for the fans who paid for this.”

Do not expect such sympathies expressed to the fans who pay for this on Friday night.

He came back to fight Roy Jones Jr. in an exhibition, in Nov. of 2020, and Tyson was fully engaged. Much of the fight between the two veterans involved a lot of grappling, but Jones told the All the Smoke Podcast, “First time he hit me in the chest I felt like a horse had kicked me.”

The fight with Paul was originally scheduled for July 20, but was delayed because Tyson was suffering from a bleeding ulcer. He also has back issues, and says he has sciatica, a condition that causes pain, weakness and numbness in the lower back and legs.

Basically, he’s an old ex-fighter.

“I think he’s gonna look good when he’s on the canvas and I’m standing over him,” Paul said.

If Paul wins, he proves he can beat up a 58-year-old man. If Tyson wins, he proves he can whip a man 30 years his junior, an amateur who used his fame to create a niche in the sport to make a lot of money.

Jake Paul versus Mike Tyson is a terrible idea, but, “Why Not? We’re All Gonna Die.”

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