'Not aspiring to be humble' is a rallying cry for this moment, but let's not stop there

Heidi Stevens, Tribune News Service on Oct 11, 2024

Published in Women

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“Not aspiring to be humble” will make great T-shirts, and I hope someone is designing them as we speak.

It’ll be adorable on a throw pillow. Hilarious as a cross stitch sampler. Perfect on a mug that you give your favorite girl boss. I’d buy one of each, if I’m honest.

Inspired by Kamala Harris’ remarks to Alex Cooper, host of the "Call Her Daddy" podcast, it’s this season's “Nevertheless she persisted.” It’s a “Reclaiming my time” redux. It’s a phrase that captures a cultural moment, freezes it in time and turns it into a poignant, perfect rallying cry.

It started with Arkansas Gov. Sarah Huckabee Sanders taking a swipe at Harris, during a rally for former President Donald Trump, for not having biological children.

“Unfortunately,” Huckabee Sanders told the crowd, “Kamala Harris doesn't have anything keeping her humble."

Cooper asked Harris about the comment during her Oct. 6 podcast appearance.

"I don't think she understands that there are a whole lot of women out here who, one, are not aspiring to be humble,” Harris replied.

A moment (and a meme) were born.

“The resting state for women in this country is humility,” Emma Glassman-Hughes wrote in a fantastic Pop Sugar essay on Oct. 7, headlined, “Kamala Harris Doesn't Owe You Humility.”

“The work is to overcome it,” Glassman-Hughes continued, “not let it stifle.”

Exactly.

But I want to focus on the second part of Harris’ answer to Cooper, which is less pithy but no less powerful.

"We have our family by blood, and then we have our family by love," Harris told Cooper. "I have both, and I consider it to be a real blessing. And I have two beautiful children, Cole and Ella, who call me Mamala.”

She went on:

"When I started dating Doug, my husband, I was very thoughtful and sensitive to making sure that until I knew that our relationship was something that was gonna be real, I didn't want to form a relationship with the kids and then walk away from that relationship. Children form attachments and you really wanna be thoughtful about it. So I waited to meet the kids, and they are my children. And I love those kids to death — and family comes in many forms."

Family comes in many forms. And stepparents are often at the center. And it is very, very much a form of parenting.

I have stepparented. I have watched my friends and family stepparent. I have watched my kids be stepparented.

It is parenting with your whole heart even when it’s not reciprocal. It’s checking your ego at the door because you know your very existence is a reminder that something unexpected happened. Divorce, death, a division of some kind that was — maybe still is — painful.

It’s going to events—weddings, graduations, school plays, big games, prom pictures—and not knowing exactly where to sit and not knowing what photos you belong in and not knowing who to hug and not knowing whose heart broke a little and whose heart swelled a little when you walked in.

It’s showing up anyway—sometimes when you aren’t welcome, sometimes when you’re a welcome relief.

You want to talk about humbling …

We’re spending a lot of time this election cycle discussing topics that don’t show up on a ballot, topics that have little to do with platforms or policy. We’re watching—I’m watching—with a little bit of awe and a little bit of frustration as the nation debates what it wants in a leader, what it will accept in a leader, what it values in a leader.

Our answers will depend on our own lived experiences and value systems and challenges and hopes.

But I think—I hope—we can find commonality around a thing or two.

I think—I hope—we can agree that humility is an asset when it keeps us connected and grounded, but a liability when it keeps us crouched and timid. I think we can agree that it’s OK to aspire to the former, but not necessary to aspire to the latter.

I think—I hope—we can agree that children can keep us humble and stepchildren can keep us humble and also life, with its indignities and injustices and unexpected illnesses but also unexpected joys, can keep us humble. Children are not a requirement for humility.

And I think—and I hope—we can agree that children thrive when they’re cherished and loved and looked out for. And so many people can provide those things. The more the better honestly. When it comes to love and cherishing? The more the better.

And I think—and I hope—that can be our takeaway from this moment.

That, and an adorable throw pillow, maybe.