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Erika Ettin: Are your dating profile acronyms saving space or scaring away?

Erika Ettin, Tribune News Service on

Published in Lifestyles

It won’t take much time swiping on any dating app or website to realize that online dating often comes with a whole new language to learn. In addition to phrases like “ghosting” and “cuffing season” that may inspire a Google search when you first come across them, many singles looking for love have adopted acronyms to use in their profiles to relay what they’re looking for—or not looking for—in a partner.

The advantages of these acronyms may seem apparent at first. Not only do they state what you’re looking for — maybe a FWB (friend with benefits) or an ENM (ethically non-monogamous) relationship — but they also get the point across in just a few characters. After all, those character limits on bios are pretty restrictive at times.

But it turns out that those little letters could cause the person reading your profile to automatically swipe left.

The BBC chatted with online daters about the phenomenon, and they weren’t fans, describing acronyms in profiles as everything from “off-putting” to “mind-boggling.”

"I've absolutely matched with people before without reading the small print of them being in an open relationship, and then I've had to back out of meeting them,” said one woman. "I think acronyms are additional learning on top of the learning curve of dating app etiquette."

U.K. dating coach Jacob Lucas said that the use of acronyms “isolates people who don’t know what they mean,” adding that someone who sees a phrase they don’t understand might decide they’re just “not going to bother” with the person.

 

On the other hand, Lucas points out that certain acronyms can filter out people who aren’t interested in particular interests. "It's kind of like a signal, you can hit a target niche more,” he said.

With online dating, things are hard enough without having to learn a new language or Google every different acronym that comes up (and that’s if your search results even come up with the right meaning). It’s best to stick to plain English and avoid putting anything — acronyms or otherwise — that could be misinterpreted. It doesn’t take much for someone to decide you’re not a match for them, whether it’s a questionable photo, an overly flirty joke or an unfamiliar term that could cause awkwardness. (I once had a client turn down someone who liked electronic dance music—EDM—because she thought he was ethically non-monogamous—ENM!)

Despite not recommending them for your profile, I want you to at least feel equipped if one of these other dating acronyms crosses your path:

IRL: In real life

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