ArcaMax

Get closer to your parents. Like most corny advice, this one's pure gold. These people who sired you and raised you into adulthood are special in your life, unique and irreplaceable, too often ignored in the rush to adulthood. Take them to dinner, one at a time, and let them get to know their offspring as an adult, and a loving one at that. It will be good for all three of you. Promise.

--Were you left out of a dinner party because you're not part of a matched set? Use your spare adrenaline to plan your own party, rather than sulk or feel rejected. In your party, mix marrieds with singles, all ages and backgrounds, and watch the interesting happening you create. Congratulate yourself for not being as narrow-minded as some. (ahem)

--Women outlive men by an average of four to five years, which means that widowhood is almost always part of the female script. Depressing thought, yes, but don't stick your head in the sand and pretend it's not going to happen to you. Prepare for those years by developing inner resources now, possibly a second career, and building undependence that will last a lifetime.

--Aren't we all single, really? Don't we all have that private room within that needs a voice and resists being silenced and underappreciated? For sure we're all in this thing together, but most of the time we walk single file. And single or married, we all want our voice heard. You included.

--When you think of yourself, be wise and put your singleness on the back burner. Way back! Make your singleness incidental, not the central focus of your whole existence. You're a lot more than another single person, and it's your challenge to prove that. I'm here to help you.

--Many states now have laws guaranteeing grandparents access to their grandchildren. The topic is worth a long talk with your attorney. Start the conversation, and see where it leads.

--Good news for handicapped singles: Amtrak and Greyhound have special services that can make life a lot easier. Contact them to learn your options.

--Visit the children's ward at your local hospital, and consider volunteering as a part-time visitor/friend/entertainer on some weekends. The feedback from those small people will be a lot more sincere than the phony "coolness" you encounter at the local singles bar. (Remember, you heard it here first.)

--Put down roots in your community. Now, while you're single! Don't wait for that magical day when you're half a couple. You're a whole right now. You're a whole right now! YOU right now! Let the world know what you can give to your community, your church, your United Way. Think about it.

Love is a process, and as such it evolves in phases. The initial intensity softens with time and familiarity, and in its place grows a stronger bond -- less dramatic maybe, but more lasting: a comfortable shared companionship. Which is where liking comes into its own, as the most important component! Think about it.

Younger men, when asked, say they would definitely consider marrying an older woman, while older women don't see marriage with a younger man as a viable option. Could it be she sees future wrinkles, which he doesn't? Or are men's values more adult/realistic? Something to think about, no?

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Have a question for Susan? You can reach her directly at susan@single-file.com. We've uncovered another treasure trove of "Single File" paperbacks -- in perfect condition, signed by Susan, ready to enjoy. Send $15 and your address: Susan Deitz, C/O Creators Syndicate, 737 3rd Street, Hermosa Beach, CA 90254.