Earlier this year, Bumble unveiled a new feature dubbed “Opening Moves.” While the popular online dating app previously stood out for only letting women send the first message after a match, the update allows female users to set a question, either from Bumble's preset examples or their own idea, for matches to respond to. For example: “Who’s your dream dinner party guest (real or fictional)?” or “What do you like about my profile?”

Bumble CEO Lidiane Jones said in a press release about the feature: “In listening to our community, many have shared their exhaustion with the current online dating experience, and for some, that includes making the first move. We're also hearing from women that empowerment today is not only about control, but it's also about agency, and we're excited to offer more choice in how women make the first move with our new Opening Moves feature.”

Before telling you what I think of Bumble’s Opening Moves, I wanted to see how online daters were feeling about it. From some Reddit discussions, it seemed like the idea wasn’t hitting with them — and just lumped Bumble in with other dating apps.

One user complained, “It’s basically just Tinder now,” while another said, “Giving both parties the ability to drive first engagement while pretending it’s women is a good way to have your cake and eat it too.”

Male users also pointed out that the Opening Move took away Bumble’s uniqueness. “I'm already on apps where I have to make the first move and will make first moves on those apps. The novelty of women initiating is why I opened an account with Bumble; take that away and Bumble will just fall out of the circulation of apps I check in on.”

Another man agreed: “Women making the first move and the 24-hour timer is why I got this app.”

Here’s what I think: When it comes to an opening message, anything is better than a generic opener like “Hey,” “What’s up?” or “How’s your day?” However, a good opening message isn’t canned and one-size-fits-all. No matter how thought-provoking or intriguing the Opening Moves question you come up with, what makes people want to engage with you is getting something personal in their inbox. Think something short and sweet (no monologues or novels, I beg you!) that always includes a question that’s unique to their profile, giving the other person something to reply to and leading to a longer conversation.

Instead of relying on Opening Moves (or another genetic question that you tend to use), look at the person’s bio and photos on their profile. What made you want to message them? Maybe they included a picture from a vacation and you love to travel, or maybe their two truths and a lie prompt has you stumped. Either way, sending them a message about something specific dramatically increases your chances of getting a response.

We never know why someone swipes left or right, or if they message you back or not. Those things aren’t in our control. But what you can do is give yourself the best chance at getting a response by putting a little effort into the opening message. People want to feel seen and heard, and by asking them about a personal interest, they’re likely excited to find that someone has given their profile a good look and found something worth connecting over.

At the end of the day, Openings Moves is barely a move at all. Really, it’s just putting the pressure on the other person to engage. No matter which dating app you’re on, you’re much better off customizing your conversation, including the first message, to the person.

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