I field dating questions every week on Instagram on what I’ve dubbed “Ask Erika Monday,” and I recently received a common one that I’ve gotten variations of over and over again. The person asked, “6-7 dates. Everything is going great. I feel I need to know what he wants for our future. Too soon?”

I certainly understand where this is coming from. You don’t want to set yourself up to be let down, and you don’t want to dedicate all of your time and energy to someone who doesn’t see your relationship going anywhere. While there’s definitely value in discussing your intentions, like setting boundaries on exclusivity and sharing your feelings about each other,, the future is unwritten… and neither one of you can really answer what it will look like.

Sometimes, people think that the other person in the relationship has all the answers or a master plan but is withholding that information from you. The truth is this: They don’t and they’re not. Neither one of you has a crystal ball that will tell you where this relationship is going. That’s what dating is for — figuring it out together.

To use a hiking analogy, dating doesn’t come with a trail map — in fact, you might find that sometimes it’s hard to even find the trailhead. But once you and another person decide to walk along a path together, it’s a step-by-step process. When there’s a crossing, you have to decide which way to go. And there’s really no telling if the view at the end is worth the hike until you’ve gotten there and experienced it. The important thing is that you go on the hike with a positive attitude and all the right gear. If you’re both game, then that’s really the best you can do. It’s more about the journey than the destination.

This also goes back to my “dating NATO” strategy, inspired by the Amazon Prime show "Transparent." NATO is an acronym for “not attached to outcome,” and it sums up so much of the advice I give to clients about not viewing a relationship that doesn’t lead to marriage or a long-term commitment as a failure. Instead of approaching each first date as the first step leading to your ultimate relationship goal, start at the beginning — meeting a new person — and be receptive to where it leads. Dating is a dynamic process.

Feeling the urge to bring up “the future” with a partner? I’d suggest letting it ride. You might even find it freeing to not set expectations and instead just focus on the here and now.

Dating is a two-person journey, the ending of which isn’t written. This isn’t an old Netflix show — you can’t ask for spoilers on what will happen down the line because neither one of you actually know — it just has to happen. What you can do is take the next step together, whatever that is, and keep going.

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