ArcaMax

You should start this process by notifying your friend that your neighbors are somewhat likely to “panic” and call the police if he is bold enough to walk through the neighborhood while also being Black.

Strangely, you seem to worry more about offending your neighbors by challenging their lofty notions of themselves than you do about the risk posed to your friend if he walks through your neighborhood alone.

I have two suggestions: Challenge your neighbors out loud to actually let a Black man — any Black man — walk through the neighborhood unchallenged, not because he is your special guest, but because he is a human being walking down a sidewalk.

Also, be completely honest with your friend about the kind of community he would be visiting, and the physical or psychological annoyance (or worse) he could face, simply by being there.

(July 2019)

Dear Amy: Yesterday, my girlfriend "Lori" and I went to lunch at a local restaurant. Two guys were heading for the same restaurant and were slightly ahead of us, but when they got to the door, they held it open for us and allowed us to enter the restaurant first.

We smiled, I thanked them and as soon as I entered, I stood back to allow them to get in line ahead of us, because I figured that was their rightful place and they shouldn't be penalized for having been courteous to us.

I could tell that they were on their lunch break from work, whereas we had plenty of time to enjoy our own lunch.

Lori got irritated with me and said I shouldn't have let them "cut" in line ahead of us. I told her I didn't think they should be penalized for holding the door for us.

Lori keeps laughing at what a "chump" I was. What do you think? When someone holds the door open for another person, does the door holder automatically give up his/her place in whatever line is inside?

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