ArcaMax

Dear Readers: To mark my final week writing this column, I’m rerunning some of my most memorable questions and answers. Today I’m sharing a thoughtful update from a reader whose question was first published in 2019. Her update follows the original Q&A.

Dear Amy: About five years ago, I completed a Ph.D. under the guidance of an amazing woman, “Daisy.” She had a truly transformational impact on my life and I owe her a huge debt.

We formed a close bond and she introduced me to her husband and daughter on several occasions. After graduation, we’ve seen each other on a roughly annual basis.

Normally when I have a free day or am passing by her campus, I’ll ask her for a coffee or lunch. I think about her often.

Here is my quandary: I have recently found out that six months ago her daughter was in a freak accident and is now paralyzed from the waist down. The story made the national press, but I only found out it was Daisy’s daughter through an unconnected, professional contact.

I desperately want to reach out to Daisy and her daughter but am unsure how to do so.

Do I mention the accident, or do I simply reach out to ask her for a coffee and see if she brings it up? I don’t want to be insensitive but also want to be there for my friend in this time of need.

– Lost in London

Dear Lost: You should definitely reach out, and you should express your sympathy and concern.

Here’s a start: “Dear Daisy, I was so saddened to learn of your daughter’s accident. I am so grateful for your mentorship and friendship to me over the years. Please know that I am thinking about all of you now. I’ll be in the area soon and would love to see both of you again, if possible.”

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