ArcaMax

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I used to be religious, many years ago, but I now identify as pagan -- meaning that I believe in the powers of Mother Earth, and that everything she's created is sacred.

My beliefs are personal, and I don't discuss them with others unless directly asked.

Because the majority of people believe in God, there's a general ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I was active-duty military, eligible to shop in the commissary, where goods were somewhat less expensive than at a civilian market. My pay was also less than the equivalent civilian profession.

A civilian mom who lived upstairs from me once sent her child to ask me for a can of tuna. I supplied them with a can of albacore ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: What is the proper response when a casual acquaintance tells you that they have been diagnosed with a very serious illness?

This is a person I have no connection to or interest in getting to know better. We merely pass each other in our building while picking up the mail or going to the parking lot.

My reply, as I was ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Is it appropriate for my daughter-in-law to say to me, "Why don't you ask us what we want, rather than just getting something that we may not want or use?"

I was offended, because I thought gift-giving was the giver's choice. Otherwise, it feels like the recipient is just placing their order with me. Offensive!

GENTLE READER...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have achieved a small degree of social and political success in my community. Unfortunately, that is not the case for my husband.

He is a wonderful spouse and does not cheat or lie; he's not a bigot or a drunk. Still, he has no friends here where we live. We have invited many couples over for cocktails, but there is never ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: A close friend planned to throw a party themed around a pop-culture phenomenon she is passionate about, but that I have no interest in (and actually quite dislike). I initially declined to attend, but when her guest list grew too large for her planned venue, I agreed to allow her to use my larger home for it.

I thought I ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Please help me with line etiquette when faced with the following scenario.

Person A enters the post office and gets behind five people in line. There is a group at the table, fussing with packages (addressing, taping, stuffing boxes, etc.). Person A finally makes it to the head of the line, but when "Next!" is called, Person ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: We needed a plumber recently, and during the four hours he was on the job, the plumber spent well over an hour on his phone for non-work-related calls.

More and more, it seems that hourly workers (tradespeople, home health aides, etc.) are taking personal calls, texting and checking social media during their time with me. It ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am a full-time, unpaid caregiver for my husband. My days are spent managing his doctor's appointments and medications, driving him, and making sure he is safe, fed and clean.

On her occasional visits, his daughter has nothing but criticism for me. What is the appropriate response?

GENTLE READER: To give the daughter ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have a close friend who is getting divorced because her husband told her he didn't want to be married anymore. He "wants to be free." Of course, she is devastated.

She has asked my husband and me to join her, her son and the ex for dinner, saying she wants us to see him before he moves. I have already told her that I'm ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I participated in a vintage train excursion. At several points in the journey, the engineer stopped the train so that people could disembark to take photos and videos.

During one photo op, some enthusiasts beside me were chatting when a pair of Spielberg wannabes rebuked them, saying, "We're trying to get sound on this shot."...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Are there polite ways to refuse to participate in a video chat when someone tries to pass a cellphone to you?

My brother-in-law and his wife are extremely involved in their toddler grandchildren's lives and rarely go more than a few hours without contacting them. When we are out with the adults, one of them inevitably whips ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I've always tipped restaurant servers, hairdressers, pizza delivery drivers and manicurists, of course, understanding that most of these positions do not pay very well and the person is likely living off tips more than salary.

Within the last year, however, I have been told in several different ways, some not very subtle, ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have twice invited a friend to parties after asking if the dates were open for her, and she accepted each time. About a week before each party, she said that she was going to do something else and wouldn't be coming.

Am I being overly sensitive to be a bit bothered by this? My parents always told me that once you accept an ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I'm trying to help a friend who has a sick 18-year-old daughter. The young lady has many serious medical issues, and the family has a lot of medical debt.

Another friend is holding a fundraising event for her and is charging a whole $10 to attend. She will raise tens and tens of dollars. Meanwhile, the girl's mom set up an ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I need to know how I should have responded to a cashier who overstepped.

Some background: I had my second child about 15 months ago. My husband and I are not looking to have a third. I'm still breastfeeding, which makes my cycle rather unpredictable; still, I was concerned recently when I seemed to be about a week late.

I ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Our daughter is getting married in about six months. My husband and I told her that we would help out financially, and have contributed a significant amount thus far. She and her fiance have to cover some of the costs, as well. The groom's parents are not contributing anything toward the reception.

My daughter doesn't share ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: About two years ago, I completely and successfully left all social media behind. I also limited my texting to essential information. It has been largely a wonderful change in my life.

Still, I have friends who cannot accept that I am not looking at their posts and do not engage in lengthy conversations via text. I also have ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Am I obliged to dislike people my longtime partner dislikes?

On our daily dog walk in a nearby park, we often encounter a woman with a Doberman pinscher that has been aggressive toward our dog in the past (barking, snapping, pulling on its leash), although it has been behaving better recently. My partner dislikes this woman ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Our local movie theater offers free refills of popcorn and drinks. My family members insist on getting these refills after every movie to take home with them.

As they get their refills, I stand back and feel embarrassed to be in their party, because I believe the refreshments are meant to be enjoyed during the film. I also ...Read more