If You 'invite' People, You're Paying

Judith Martin, Nicholas Ivor Martin and Jacobina Martin on Apr 22, 2024

Oh, right -- he is the bridegroom's best friend, so it is not hard to guess his notion of what should be said. Miss Manners supposes that that is the problem. Perhaps that should have been considered before he was assigned the role.

But yes, the bridegroom can inquire, in the spirit of friendship, what his buddy is thinking of saying. He could even drop some remarks about the sensitivity of the crowd, and what topics should be avoided, however amusing.

But in the end, he has to trust that his best man will do his best to please him.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Over the last few years, I have been introducing recently bereaved female relatives and friends as "the widow X." I was surprised to learn that this offends some people, so thought I might vary the introduction with an occasional "the relict X."

Which term do you think most women would prefer? In the case of a bereaved male, would the term "relicter" be appropriate? Thanks for any guidance you can offer.

GENTLE READER: Some guidance: Please stop annoying the bereaved by showing off your familiarity with defunct terms that identify them as leftovers.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Is there any way to politely back out of an invitation one has already accepted? I know this is done all too frequently for any reason, but there are some situations where something more important truly does come up. Is there a mannerly way to handle this?

GENTLE READER: Disease and death are excuses that any host should recognize as valid for canceling an invitation. "Something more important" is not.

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(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)