Former actress recreates soap opera at wedding
Dear Amy: My boyfriend and I (we're gay) recently decided to get married, but my fiance and various family members are suggesting that we exclude my 92-year-old grandmother from the wedding.
My grandmother regularly shocks people. She says offensive and hurtful comments to everyone to elicit a reaction, regardless of the setting or situation.
She loves to call people "fat" or "dumb," uses female pronouns for my fiance and me, and (our favorite) -- lights cigarettes indoors or in restaurants.
She's very "with it" and according to her doctors, exhibits no signs of senility. She was a soap opera actress in the '50s and '60s, so we think she just enjoys the attention.
My parents have talked to her about her behavior, and nothing has changed. My mother asked that we invite her.
I called my grandmother and told her that I want to invite her to the wedding, but that I'm worried about her upsetting other guests. She laughed, and told me, "That's just who I am, can't change now," and made it clear that she expects to be invited.
How should I manage this?
-- Future Groom
Dear Groom: Your blow-hard granny has thrown down the gauntlet by declaring her intention to offend others. If you definitely don't want her there, then don't invite her (her insults toward you and your fiance are reason enough to exclude her), but if including her is important to your mother, then you should consider it.
You might be able to marginalize Granny enough that you can reduce her from being the offensive center-of-attention, to the rude, eccentric elderly lady who keeps trying to smoke at the reception hall.
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