ArcaMax

Your mother's birthday party is not the place to air your grievances, but it is the perfect place to celebrate your own strength in being able to rise above people who have hurt you. Understand that your mother has four children and that she cannot choose between you.

If you do go, use an escape hatch. Tell yourself that you will stay for an hour, and then make a choice about staying another hour.

Dear Amy: My ex-husband and I have known each other since we were kids. We are both in our 30s. We remain good friends.

I had signs that I was about to make a huge mistake before getting married. After two years, I started to feel like I was trapped.

I tried counseling, and it made me realize that I needed to let him go. Now, I feel so ashamed. I hate myself for this. I stayed married to him because I was afraid of what people were going to say if I left.

After so many failed relationships, I think maybe I'm just meant to be alone. I decided that the best thing to do is to never get involved. The thought of it makes me anxious and depressed.

God will never forgive me for this. It makes me want to lose my mind. Just thinking about getting involved with anyone ever again gives me anxiety. I don't want to fail again.

I need help dealing with these feelings.

-- Hurt

Dear Hurt: I don't think God judges or interferes in human relationships. Your guilt about leaving your marriage is something you must tackle and conquer before you will feel comfortable moving forward. You chose counseling to help you understand that you should leave your marriage; you should continue with the process to wrangle with the feelings you are having now. Nobody wants to fail, and yet we all do. Failing and falling are part of the human experience. Risking failure is an act of bravery, and with help, you can be brave again.

Dear Amy: You criticized "From We to I" for insisting that her boyfriend not refer to his life with his ex-wife using "we."

I'm in her camp. He needs to avoid phrasing responses in ways that make her think about his past. The proper question she should pose to him is whether he wants her to be thinking about him with his ex as they move forward.

-- Disappointed

Dear Disappointed: After almost 30 years of marriage, insisting that her boyfriend basically pretend that he had been alone the whole time seemed unrealistic to me.

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(You can contact Amy Dickinson via email: askamy@amydickinson.com. Readers may send postal mail to Amy Dickinson, c/o Tribune Content Agency, LLC., 16650 Westgrove Dr., Suite 175, Addison, TX 75001. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or "like" her on Facebook.)