ArcaMax

According to my siblings, Chuck has alienated every friend and most family members with his behavior. This includes drinking and taking Valium. He has blocked all my emails, will not answer any phone calls and rejects any attempt I make to contact him. He is stubborn and obviously has this progressive disease, yet he will not seek treatment. His other belief is also classic for an alcoholic -- he thinks he can control his drinking.

I'm at a loss as to how to help him. His blaming me for his own serious problems keeps him from discussing anything with me. I don't like his behavior, but I love him and don't want him to die. Any ideas?

-- Shut Out

Dear Shut Out: You have learned a lot about alcoholism through your own experience and research. And now you need to absorb the biggest challenge of a family member of an alcoholic: The serenity to accept your own powerlessness in getting him to change.

At this point, you need to manage your own feelings about this relationship and the episodes that led to the estrangement. In addition to maintaining your own sobriety, you should sit in the chairs with other adults who struggle with a loved one's drinking, through attendance at an al-anon support group (al-anon.org).

Dear Amy: Thank you for your ongoing support for literacy through your "Book on Every Bed" holiday campaign.

This is the fifth year my husband and I have done this with our children, and starting Christmas morning with a wrapped book on their beds has become a treasured family tradition.

-- Grateful

Dear Grateful: This makes me very happy. Thank you.

========

(You can contact Amy Dickinson via email: askamy@amydickinson.com. Readers may send postal mail to Amy Dickinson, c/o Tribune Content Agency, LLC., 16650 Westgrove Dr., Suite 175, Addison, TX 75001. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or "like" her on Facebook.)