ArcaMax

You make a profound point -- that when your family continues to banish and punish him, you are thrust back into the role of being a victim.

However, you need to understand what a terrifying experience it is to have a loved-one ensconced in a violent and abusive relationship. It is truly traumatic for family members to be pulled through this particular knothole. Often there is a long period of escalating abuse before the final act -- if that was the case with you and your guy, your family members would have had many reasons to despise his role in your life.

If he is back in your life as a full partner to you and if he truly wants to be supportive of you, then he should be brave enough to apologize for causing you and your family members so much pain. He should apologize and ask for forgiveness.

Dear Amy: I am very sad to confirm that my cleaning woman, who has been coming to my home for about 10 years, is taking items from my home. I thought it was happening, but I didn't want to accuse her because I wasn't sure. However, something occurred that proved that I was right.

I asked her if she knew where she had put a specific utensil. She said she didn't see it and she wasn't sure what it was. The following time, another utensil reappeared that had disappeared a few weeks before. I believe this item is what she thought I was looking for. These things are inexpensive, $10 to $25.

I really like her and don't want to lose her. Can you give me any suggestions so I can let her know not to keep taking things and yet keep her cleaning my house?

-- Perplexed

Dear Perplexed: You have already let your cleaner know that you are aware of missing items. If you are certain she is pilfering, beyond this incident, you should tell her, "I'm concerned that you are taking these things home with you. Maybe this is happening accidentally, but it needs to stop. I really like you and think you do a great job, but I also need to know that all of my belongings will stay in the house."

Dear Amy: I agree with "Disgusted," who took you to task for saying parents shouldn't spank their children. Spanking works, and you are an idiot not to realize it. I assume you don't have children, otherwise you would know that your so-called "advice" flies out the window when you're dealing with a bad kid.

-- Also Disgusted

Dear Also: I have five children, all now adults. Spanking doesn't work. If it did, the people who always advocate for it wouldn't be so angry all the time.

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(You can contact Amy Dickinson via email: askamy@amydickinson.com. Readers may send postal mail to Amy Dickinson, c/o Tribune Content Agency, LLC., 16650 Westgrove Dr., Suite 175, Addison, TX 75001. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or "like" her on Facebook.)