ArcaMax

Dear Concerned: You mention passing along things you "had noticed, or been told, or experienced."

There is a big difference between reporting something you have personally observed, versus something you have been told. In the first case, you are a first-person witness. In the second, you are a gossip.

You should re-examine how you are delivering this news. Being kind and factual is great. But you should start by preparing the person for the news by demonstrating that you understand how challenging it can be to receive it.

For example: "When my father was becoming more frail, I really appreciated learning what other people observed when they saw him. Sometimes it was hard, because I wasn't there to see for myself. I just visited with your dad and noticed some things. Do you want me to share this with you?"

The person may not be prepared in that moment to talk about it, but might later. Offer assurances: "I just want you to know, I've been there. I know it's hard."

Dear Amy: I am a freshman in college and I commute back and forth to the city. I'm turning 18 soon.

I don't have my driver's license yet and my parents are bugging me about it. I have credit for Driver's Ed.

I took the road test once before and failed, and it's been a year or so since I last practiced. My mom is on medication, which prohibits her from driving, and my dad works all day and makes up excuses about why he can't take me out to practice.

I finally convinced my mom (after a year) that my aunt could help me practice during holidays and then I can take the road test in her car.

I really only want my license, not a car.

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