Life Advice

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Young love

By Amy Dickinson, Tribune Content Agency on

DEAR READERS: I have stepped away from my daily column for two weeks to finish writing my next book, which is due to be published next fall. I hope you'll enjoy these topical "best of" questions and answers while I'm away. Today's letters deal with the prickly, eternal question of how to handle young love.

DEAR AMY: I am the mother of two daughters who are in their upper elementary years.

They seem bothered that they have not been asked out, while other boys and girls are dating.

It seems ridiculous that children so young should be boyfriend/girlfriend.

What should I do? -- Mom in the Middle

DEAR MOM: It's pretty common at the fifth- and sixth-grade level for girls and boys to become interested in "going out." I still remember this phenomenon from my elementary years. In fact, I can recall at least five "couples" from my sixth-grade class. Unless they are unusually sexually precocious, girls and boys at this age form fairly harmless alliances.

 

All of this is practice for the real thing, which is much scarier for parents, but still a few years off for most kids.

Rather than brand this "practice dating" ridiculous, you should ask your girls what they would do if someone asked them out. What does that mean to them? Are there really "dating" couples at school? If they liked a boy, would they ask him out?

Once you listen to what they have to say, you can tell your girls that kids develop at different rates. Some of the most interesting kids are waiting until they are older and more ready for dating, and that's a good thing, because there is plenty of time for that.

For now, make sure that your girls have plenty of interests and opportunities outside of dating. Sometimes, girls sort of lose themselves once boys enter the scene, and that's a shame. You want for them to develop a very strong sense of themselves so that they can make their own smart choices when the time comes.

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