ArcaMax

I love my mom, but I feel like she is destroying my relationship with her because of how she treats my fiance. She's even gone so far as to tell him to his face that she "likes him as a person, just not as a boyfriend" for me.

The rest of my family seems to love him.

My fiance does not like spending time with my folks because he always feels unwelcome. I've tried to talk to my mom about this, and she just talks about how he and I should break up.

Please help me figure out how to salvage my relationship with my parents, without sacrificing the man with whom I have chosen to spend the rest of my life. -- Torn in Two

DEAR TORN: When parents disapprove of your choice in partner, to the extent of serving up passive-aggressive personal swipes, they run the risk of enacting an age-old dance that will damage their relationship with you (and your partner).

You should behave respectfully but firmly toward your parents. Remind your mother that she isn't marrying your guy -- you are. She doesn't get to choose your friends or your spouse for you.

DEAR AMY: I'm responding to the letter from "Angry Widow," who had learned after her husband's death that he had been cheating on her with a married woman. You should suggest she have her doctor run a bank of STD tests. She needs to know now if her husband gave her a disease. And if he did? THEN she has a reason to contact the other cheated-on spouse. -- Mary

DEAR MARY: Good point. Incidences of STDs are up sharply among older people.

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(You can contact Amy Dickinson via email: askamy@tribpub.com. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or "like" her on Facebook. Amy Dickinson's memoir, "The Mighty Queens of Freeville: A Mother, a Daughter and the Town that Raised Them" (Hyperion), is available in bookstores.)