Humor
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Things to do at Wal-Mart When You're Bored
1. Get 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they aren't looking.
2. Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.
3. Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the rest rooms.
4. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone, "Code 3 in housewares, "and see what ...Read more
Anti Jokes
Q: What is red and smells like blue paint?
A: Red paint.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
To.
To who?
To whom.
Whats green and has wheels?
Grass, I lied about the wheels.
Why was six afraid of seven?
It wasn't. Numbers are not sentient and thus incapable of feeling fear.
Fun Activities for the Pool
- Scream as someone is jumping off of a diving board.
- Laugh at fat people in swimsuits.
- Tell people you saw the lifeguard peeing in the pool.
- Ask a lifeguard if skinny-dipping is allowed.
- Try to negotiate the price of getting in.
- Take a really long time when you are on top of the high dive and then act as though you were pushed ...Read more
Breaking and Entering
A man went to the Police Station wishing to speak with the burglar who had broken into his house the night before.
"You'll get your chance in court." said the Desk Sergeant.
"No, no no!" said the man. "I want to know how he got into the house without waking my wife. I've been trying to do that for years!"
Look Different
A kindergarten teacher at age 30 was talking to the children seated on the floor around her, absentmindedly she removed her glasses to clean them.
"Wow, Miss Collins!" one child exclaimed. "You look really different without your glasses on !"
Another child piped up, "I bet she looks different when she takes her teeth out, too!"
New to Baseball
Coming home from his Little League game, Billy swung open the front door very excited. Unable to attend the game, his father immediately wanted to know what happened. "So, how did you do son?" he asked.
"You'll never believe it!" Billy said. "I was responsible for the winning run!"
"Really? How'd you do that?"
"I dropped the ball."

Norm Macdonald: To Hell With Flossing | Late Night with Conan O’Brien
(Original airdate: 06/13/95) Norm Macdonald jokes about biting his tongue, having too many teeth, and lying to his dentist.

A New Hope but Kermit is Greedo
A New Hope but Kermit is Greedo
Alligator Alcatraz Is Florida's Shame
One year ago, Florida Gov. Ron DeSantis signed into law a path toward restitution for boys who endured unspeakable torture. For decades, these boys were beaten and raped, spirits and bodies broken at the state's notorious reform schools. Others were murdered on taxpayer dimes, their remains buried beneath shrouds of soil and reduced to ghastly...Read more
Traveling Photon
A Photon checks into a hotel and the bellhop asks him if he has any luggage. The Photon replies "No I'm traveling light"
Programmer Logic
The programmer's wife tells him: "Run to the store and pick up a loaf of bread. If they have eggs, get a dozen."
The programmer comes home with 12 loaves of bread.
What Denomination?
A woman went to the Post Office to buy stamps for her Christmas Cards. "What denomination?" asked the clerk.
"Oh, good heavens! Have we come to this?" said the woman. "Well, give me 30 Catholic, 10 Baptist ones, 20 Lutheran, and 40 Presbyterian."
Sweatshirt or Windbreaker
A girl says to a salesman, "I'm not sure if I should buy a sweatshirt or a windbreaker."
He says, "Well, that depends. Are you gonna sweat, or are you gonna break wind?"
Genie in a Bottle
A man was walking along a California beach and stumbled across an old lamp. He picked it up and rubbed it and out popped a genie. The genie said, "OK, OK. You released me from the lamp...yada yada yada!
This is the fourth time this month and I'm getting a little sick of these wishes so you can forget about three of them. You only get one ...Read more

George Clooney & Brad Pitt Take Care of an Enemy for Jimmy Kimmel
When you need something (or someone) taken care of, you call George Clooney & Brad Pitt.

Hello Muddah, Hello Fadduh - Allan Sherman 1963
Hello Muddah, Hello Fadduh - Allan Sherman 1963

Late Night with Seth Meyers Audience Q&A: Bill Hader's Last SNL Episode (Stefon's Wedding)
During a Q&A session with the Late Night audience, Seth shares his favorite moment with Bill Hader as Stefon on Saturday Night Live.

Robin Williams Helps Matt Damon with His Monologue
Jimmy Kimmel Live - Robin Williams Helps Matt Damon with His Monologue
You Still Know You're a Tech Geek When...
- When you convince yourself that Tetris really does improve eye-hand coordination.
- When the radio traffic reporter talks about a backup caused by a crash, and you correct her that a backup is good protection in case of a crash.
- When floppy drive applies more to your love life, and hard drive to your machines.
- When you call "*.*" star-...Read more
Windoze Quotes
• "How much do Windows cost, and do you have to buy each one separately?"
• Customer: "How much do Windows cost?"
Tech Support: "Windows costs about $100."
Customer: "Oh, that's kind of expensive. Can I buy just one window?"
• Tech Support: "Do you have any windows open right now?"
Customer: "Are you crazy woman, it's ...Read more