CAN A PROTESTANT WEAR A CRUCIFIX?

Q: After my sister-in-law passed away, my brother-in-law gave me her crucifix. I'm not Catholic, but Methodist, and I wear a cross. Would it be proper for me to also wear the crucifix? I don't want to offend members of the Catholic Church. - S., via godsquadquestion@aol.com

A: Accepting the crucifix was clearly an act of love but wearing it might create confusion. There's no canon law prohibiting non-Catholic Christians from wearing a crucifix but, as you implied, wearing one commonly indicates that you are Catholic.

By contrast, Protestants wear empty crosses (without the body of the crucified Jesus). The reason for this difference is partly theological and partly sociological. The crucifix focuses on the crucifixion of Jesus as His primary gift. The empty cross focuses on the resurrection of Christ.

Christ's suffering and dying for the sins of the world are present in their most searing and inspiring form in the crucifix. However, Christianity also focuses on the resurrection, which reminds Christians that the man who died on the cross was not a man at all, but God.

The crucifix is Good Friday and the cross is Easter Sunday. Both have their merits. Both are powerful symbols of the Christian faith. Over time, the tradition of Protestants wearing the empty cross and Catholics wearing the crucifix solidified group identities (particularly in Northern Ireland).

Wearing a religious symbol is a way of declaring that you're a part of a particular religious group. Therefore, I wouldn't recommend that you wear the crucifix but cherish it. If your brother-in-law invites you to some religious event, and when you visit your sister-in-law's grave, I would encourage you to wear her crucifix as an act of love and remembrance.

I'm told that while Catholics will wear both crosses and crucifixes, Protestants prefer empty crosses -- though for crucifix etiquette it's never wise to depend on the advice of a rabbi! I do encourage all people of faith to wear religious symbols. I think they show pride in one's traditions and faith without making others uncomfortable (and if this does make others uncomfortable, that's their problem).

Q: I am Catholic. When I was 23, I married the wrong man. We were young, we made a mistake and agreed to divorce after three years of marriage. We had no children and the marriage was annulled by the Church. Having this marriage annulled was a no brainer for me; it was important for me to start fresh.

At 32, I married again. After eight years of marriage and two children, I ended this marriage because my husband had became abusive and was unfaithful. Though it may not appear this way on paper, the words "til death do us part" mean something to me. If it weren't for the abuse, I probably would have stayed married. Unfortunately, this was impossible, especially when my husband refused counseling and the abuse began affecting our children.

Now, at 46, I'm in love with a wonderful, caring man and we want to marry. My children, ages 10 and 12, adore him. My ex is still a part of my their lives (every other weekend) and despite everything is actually a better father than when we were together.

My fiance is Protestant but not very religious.

The problem is, I don't want to seek another annulment. It's not the "no brainer" it was years ago. My second marriage was very real; I did love this man and I did have children with him. While I can't start fresh, I do feel the need to begin a new chapter of my life. Why is it necessary to have an annulment to be married by a priest? -- Anonymous via godsquadquestion@aol.com

A: The Catholic Church also believes in "til death do us part." I understand the church's concern about faithfulness to the marriage vows, and I also understand the reasons for requiring an annulment. The Church must strike a proper spiritual balance between establishing real and powerful supports for the institution of marriage while also allowing for its dissolution in certain cases.

The idea of annulment is widely misunderstood, however. An annulment (actually a Declaration of Nullity) is granted when the marriage lacked some essential element from the beginning. An annulment is not a divorce but a spiritual statement that there never was a marriage.

Of course you were married and, of course, you loved your second husband and had children with him. Nothing in an annulment would mean your children were illegitimate or born out of wedlock. They would remain perfectly kosher Catholics (I love saying that).

What was not spiritually authentic was your marriage. It seems to me that the same reasons you wanted to start spiritually fresh after the annulment of your first marriage would apply equally now. Of course, seeking to annul your second marriage, should you change your mind and come to that conclusion, doesn't necessarily mean the annulment will be automatically granted.

You began a spiritual journey into your marriage and with the help of your parish priest and the Tribunal Office in your diocese you can be led to a spiritually important and fulfilling journey out of the marriage. As you might say, it's a no brainer. Get right with your Church, then get married to the man I pray will finally give you the courage of your tenderness.

By the way, the Diocese of St. Cloud has a helpful Web site that might interest you: http://www.stcdio.org/annulment.htm)

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