The Kid Whisperer: How to teach students to be kind and cooperative

Scott Ervin, Tribune News Service on Nov 25, 2024

By clicking submit, I authorize Arcamax and its affiliates to: (1) use, sell, and share my information for marketing purposes, including cross-context behavioral advertising, as described in our Privacy Policy , (2) add to information that I provide with other information like interests inferred from web page views, or data lawfully obtained from data brokers, such as past purchase or location data, or publicly available data, (3) contact me or enable others to contact me by email or other means with offers for different types of goods and services, and (4) retain my information while I am engaging with marketing messages that I receive and for a reasonable amount of time thereafter. I understand I can opt out at any time through an email that I receive, or by clicking here

Dear Kid Whisperer,

I have three middle school students in my math class who are just belligerent. I think it may be because they see that I now have control of my classroom, and they don’t want to be in a room where everyone is learning and not messing around. They also mock the other students who are being cooperative. Per the training I’ve received, I have delayed the Learning Opportunity. During a non-instructional time, I have them practice sitting and not causing a problem. They just become belligerent. What do I do now?

Answer: I love this because it is such a “when the rubber meets the road” question: What do I do when I’m trying to teach a behavior, and they just refuse to learn the behavior?

It's great to know that these positive interventions are getting you positive behaviors from all but three of your kids. Keep using these interventions with all of these students, but you must also tweak the use of the Delayed Learning Opportunities with these three kids.

They are, most likely, continuing the negative behaviors because they are enjoying getting attention from each other, not from you. This is how I have dealt with this with great effectiveness many, many times over the course of my teaching career.

Kid Whisperer: Oh, boy. I think that you three need to become experts at sitting, listening and being pleasant while not causing problems.

Kids #1, #2, and #3: Oh, blah. I blah, blah, blah, blah.

Kid #2: Whatever, bruh.

Kid Whisperer: (smiling) Oh, boy. Maybe this is my mistake. I think this may be too challenging for you all. We’re going to treat your learning how to not cause problems like getting good at a video game. I started you on Boss Level, and it looks like you are not yet ready for it. No worries. Soon, I’ll start each of you on Easy Level. I’ll set it up. Again, my mistake. You may leave.

Kids #1, #2, and #3 sit there, stunned, with ICBP (Instant Child Brain Paralysis). They slowly awaken and leave the room.

The next day, during non-instructional time, when all is well…

Kid Whisperer: Oh, boy, Kids #1, #2, and #3, since you guys couldn’t complete Boss Level, you are going to start up on Easy Level today. See, Boss Level involves being kind and cooperative around each other. Again, you clearly are not yet ready to complete Boss Level. So each of you, at different times, will complete Easy Level, whereby you sit by yourself during a non-instructional time and practice being kind and cooperative: You just need to sit and not cause problems. Once completed, we’ll get you three back together and you can try Boss Level again. Once you complete Boss Level, if you think you are an expert, you can spend the rest of the year showing me and the world that you are still experts. Spoiler alert: You can’t save your game: If you fail during Boss Level, you will have to go back down and start again at the beginning of the game on Easy Level.

Kid #1: Whatever.

Kid #3: This is stupid.

Kid Whisperer: Oh, boy. I don’t argue. Anyhoo, how long do you think you need to practice being kind and cooperative on Easy Level: 30 minutes or an hour and 30 minutes?

Kid #2: Neither!

Kid Whisperer: An hour and 30 minutes it is. Kid #1, Easy Level will start for you directly after school. As I think you know, Dad will be here to pick you up when you’re done. I am aware that you will be missing basketball practice, but if you can pass Easy Level tonight, you’ll only miss one practice. Kid #2, Easy Level will begin before school tomorrow. Kid #3, before and after school doesn’t work with your family’s schedule, so you’ll be doing Easy Level during lunches until you’re done. Cool. Thanks!

Be true to your word. Only count minutes during which they are kind and cooperative. If there is an interim period while one or two kids are waiting on a kid or two to finish Easy Level, let them off the hook until you have everyone on Boss Level, ready to practice being kind and cooperative.