ArcaMax

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I was wondering what the appropriate mourning period would be for ex-college sweethearts who are now in their 80s.

The man's wife died a few weeks ago after a four-year battle with dementia. During that time, his widowed neighbor and former fiancee (from over 40 years ago) supported the couple with frequent meals and visits. ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband and I are having an outdoor cocktail party. Since it is outdoors, would it be acceptable to have people enter through our yard gate instead of going through the house, then into the yard?

We will have people welcome guests as they walk up to the house and show them where to go. We will be using our guest house's ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have a family member with whom I have a challenging relationship. I go out of my way to be civil and polite, but also to keep my distance. (Avoiding her completely would mean declining all family gatherings.)

She singles me out for catty behavior, and is outrageous, but not insulting, to others. This dynamic has been going ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Can you please advise me on the proper way for individuals to serve themselves when passing dishes at a family-style dinner?

My mother emphasized that when one says, "Please pass the rolls," and the breadbasket is passed around the table, the requester should accept the breadbasket in their hands with polite thanks and then ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have celiac disease. I don't parade that information around, but I'm not trying to hide it, either. When someone offers me something that I cannot eat, I just decline by saying, "No, thank you," and often the situation is taken care of.

However, something keeps happening to me and I'm unsure how to handle it. Someone around...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: At my husband's 20-year reunion, I wrote "Sam's wife" on my name tag. I knew that only three people there knew me, and that no one else would likely remember my name the following week -- they'd all refer to me as "Sam's wife." So I went with that.

It was fun. Most people reacted well, and some even laughed and said, "You're ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: What are the three main subjects you should not discuss socially?

GENTLE READER: Only three? You must be joking.

The old rule was that politics, sex and religion should not be discussed in casual conversation among people whose sensitivities and opinions were unknown to one another. The rationale was to avoid offending ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I own several rental properties. Good tenants can be hard to find, but I have a fantastic younger couple renting one of my properties. They keep the place spotless, are never late on rent, and are just the nicest and most respectful people.

The lady of the house called me to say she was expecting their first child and asked ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I was a guest at a dinner party where the host had an overnight guest staying. I needed to wash my hands after petting their dog, because the dog had visibly dirtied them, so I used the nearest washroom. It was off the living area where everyone was mingling, and I had seen other guests using it.

While I was washing my hands,...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: When I was in my early 20s, I was returning from a trip to Europe with a friend and we stopped off to stay with her aunt and uncle for a few days. Shortly after we arrived, we were sitting around having what seemed to be a pleasant enough conversation, when suddenly her uncle said to me, "You're a nice middle-class girl."

I ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: What is an appropriate and polite response to a compliment that I know is disingenuous? And upon receiving such a compliment, am I required to return one that is equally disingenuous?

I ask because someone I know invariably compliments me on something I'm wearing, my hair, etc. I'm not a stylish person and my hair tends to be...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: This happened to my husband at the grocery store: It was raining, and a row of dripping-wet shopping carts stood in an area near the door. Customers could take a cart, then use the paper towels that were helpfully left there to dry them off before entering the store.

My husband dried his cart, but before he had a chance to ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am a retired physician from an academic medical center, and I continue to teach interested residents. I led a weekly seminar for senior residents last year. They worked very hard, and at the end of the year, my wife and I invited them to a reception at our home. The invitations included an RSVP.

Very few responded, but they...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I friended an old classmate on social media. We weren't close in school, but time passes, nostalgia sets in, and sometimes you like to reconnect. This girl was pleasant as a child, though not real bright, and a bit shy.

Lately she's been commenting on every one of my posts using alTerNaTinG cAps aNd lOweRcAsE letters. I'm a ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Fifteen years ago, I received a ring as a birthday gift from my boyfriend at the time. He insisted on giving me a diamond cocktail ring, but I was firm on its being a gift only -- not a promise or any kind of engagement. (I didn't want to be in such a relationship since I had just left an abusive marriage.)

We broke up two ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I like to travel and have been many places in the world. I am very prone to seasickness, though, so waterborne vessels rarely make an appearance in my travels. (As I write this, I am mentally reliving a one-hour turbojet ferry from Hong Kong to Macau -- gah.)

People often ask me why I don't go on cruises, but when I answer ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband and I have a vacation house, and we enjoy inviting friends and family to stay there throughout the summer and early fall. Our guests, unfailingly polite, often want to "help" after I prepare a meal, which we do often because I love to cook and the farmers markets are such a delight of abundance.

Here's the rub: ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have a niece, Maya, who has been estranged from the family since her teens. After five years, she's now returned, wanting to be near family. We are trying to get to know her again, as she is not the same child we knew -- pretty much a stranger.

She was a beautiful, smart young lady when she left, but now states she will ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I'm engaged and have a larger-than-average diamond. There have been several awkward encounters where people want to know the specs of my stone: In particular, they ask, "Is it a lab stone?"

I just don't feel comfortable answering this. So many people judge you negatively for whatever answer you give. If you say yes, you've ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have noticed that many restaurant servers take orders without writing them down. This includes orders with several exceptions, such as "no cheese, dressing on the side, veggies instead of fries," etc.

This tends to make my husband and me nervous. The orders usually come out just right, but nonetheless, we await our meals ...Read more