ArcaMax

Dear Annie: I'm sitting here contemplating my life. I'm 65, ill and live alone with my little dog. Fifteen years ago, my only daughter asked for space while completing her master's thesis. I gave her space, but since then, I've only seen her about five times. I've begged her to talk to me and asked for her forgiveness, but nothing has changed. She's now in medical school, and I'm very proud of her, though we have no contact.

I used to get updates about her from her father, but he was abusive -- physically, emotionally and financially -- so I had to cut him out of my life two years ago. He's wealthy and has been generous with her, even giving her a house. But I suspect he's poisoned her mind against me.

I'm not claiming I was a perfect mother. I had a stressful career and shared custody 50% of the time. I covered her health insurance and put her through private school. She's incredibly smart and talented. Sometimes, I try to console myself by thinking that her distance means I raised an independent woman.

But the truth is, I'm alone. My dog and a close niece are my only reasons to keep going, but my niece has her own life and family. Tomorrow, I'm having heart surgery, and frankly, I'm praying I don't make it through. The man I loved died in a car accident last year, and since then, I've lost everything -- my possessions, my savings, my home. I live on Social Security in a small apartment in a bad neighborhood, relying on food banks to survive. My siblings don't speak to me.

I just want people to understand: Abandoning a parent feels like having your heart ripped out. I don't know what I did wrong, and I don't know how to fix it. I raised her for 28 years, and now I have nothing. I wish someone would just talk to their parent and explain what went wrong. I'd do anything for the chance to make things right.

Every year, I send her a birthday present and donate to an animal shelter in her name at Christmas. But I don't think I can keep going much longer. -- Lost All Connections

Dear Lost All Connections: Please reach out for professional help immediately. You might feel like you have lost all connections, but you are not alone. There are many people who care and want to help you. Samaritans charity is a wonderful resource: https://www.samaritans.org.

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"How Can I Forgive My Cheating Partner?" is out now! Annie Lane's second anthology -- featuring favorite columns on marriage, infidelity, communication and reconciliation -- is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit http://www.creatorspublishing.com for more information. Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.