ArcaMax

Dear Annie: I proudly served in the military for nearly 40 years, and during that time, I experienced a wide range of challenges and rewards. Now, in civilian life, whenever people find out about my service, their immediate response is often, "Thank you for your service." While I deeply appreciate the sentiment, I find myself unsure of how to respond. Simply saying, "You're welcome" feels inadequate, considering the complexities of my experiences and the emotions tied to my years in uniform.

I don't want to come off as dismissive or ungrateful, but I also struggle to convey how much their acknowledgment means to me. Do you have any advice on how I can respond in a way that feels more genuine and meaningful, both for myself and for those who express their thanks? -- Wondering Vet

Dear Wondering: First and foremost, I want to say thank you for your service. Take a moment to let that gratitude sink in. Think about why they're saying "thank you"; it's because you made immense sacrifices and put your life on the line for your country. That's something for which we are all deeply grateful.

One meaningful way to respond could be to acknowledge your fellow veterans. You might say, "It was an honor to serve alongside such brave men and women." This not only accepts the gratitude but also highlights the shared bond of those who served with you.

If you feel that the person's comment is especially sincere, you could respond with something like, "Thank you, I really appreciate you recognizing my service." This can create a more genuine connection and reflect how much their acknowledgment means to you.

Ultimately, your response should be whatever feels right and authentic to you, but know that their gratitude is heartfelt and well-deserved.

Dear Annie: How can I come to terms with my mother's death when I didn't even know she had passed until weeks later, and was unable to say goodbye? My sister cleared her house and arranged the funeral without telling me. A stranger informed me after it was all over. My mother had distanced herself from me for years, always favoring my sister.

Despite caring for my mother when she was ill and helping her with everything after my stepfather died, she never showed any appreciation. When I left my contact information, she never reached out over the next 18 years. I received nothing but hurtful letters, calling me a problem child.

Now my heart is breaking, knowing she's gone and I didn't have a chance to say goodbye. How do I deal with the pain of her passing, despite the hurt she caused me throughout my life? -- Heartbroken Again

Dear Heartbroken: I am sorry for your loss -- not only the physical loss of your mother but also the emotional pain of having been pushed away by her. This must be incredibly difficult to process. I encourage you to seek support from a professional therapist who can guide you through healing and help you work through these painful experiences.

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"How Can I Forgive My Cheating Partner?" is out now! Annie Lane's second anthology -- featuring favorite columns on marriage, infidelity, communication and reconciliation -- is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit http://www.creatorspublishing.com for more information. Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.