ArcaMax

Dear Annie: My grandmother and I are very close. She is 83 years old and super independent. She loves to keep busy and is always running around town.

I'm writing to you because I need your advice on how to get through to her. I'm worried about her driving. She has always driven like a "cowboy." She speeds and is very impatient on the road.

If she sees someone jaywalking, she'll speed up to "scare them," as she puts it. It's very dangerous and very scary.

I've told her many times that she is driving dangerously, but her reply is that she's never gotten into an accident, so why would she now. Her agility and reflexes are declining as she's aging, and I am scared she will hurt someone or herself if she keeps on driving so carelessly. How can I get her to take this plea to drive safer seriously?

Please help me, thank you. -- A Concerned Granddaughter

Dear Concerned Granddaughter: You have every right to be concerned. Keep talking to her about the dangers of her actions. You might have to call the local police and let them know that she is on the loose. Maybe a ticket would help her see that she is not above the law.

Dear Annie: Reading the letter from, and your response to, "Been There" had me nodding along in agreement. I am glad someone else has been able to share their experience with having symptoms of menopause without it being menopause.

There is so little done about some issues women deal with that getting answers can be difficult. Two years ago, I started getting hot flashes and sweating, just like "Been There." At the time, I was only 38, so a little early for menopause but not unheard of.

Imagine my surprise after repeated tests showed it was absolutely not menopause. Several doctors insisted that hot flashes are only from menopause. So I have gotten better at advocating for myself medically.

But it wasn't until some random thing I mentioned to my therapist that we put the pieces together. I also have PTSD, and this was a symptom of anxiety attacks. They didn't always happen the same way that I had experience with in the past, and the new issues were in very similar situations as "Been There."

Additionally, grocery shopping has been a bizarre trigger recently, too. I have found that smelling stuff like lotion in the baby aisle and concentrating on breathing for a few seconds to be extremely helpful in getting through those shopping trips. And utilizing pickup services. It really helps knowing it isn't just me. -- Not Just Menopause

Dear Not Just Menopause: Thank you for your letter. It brings up two important points. One is to always trust your intuition. If you knew it wasn't menopause and further investigated, that is powerful self-knowledge. And when we know better, we can do better. Now you can manage your hot flashes and sweating through tools that help with anxiety and panic attacks. It's great that you are working with a therapist who specializes in PTSD.

========

"How Can I Forgive My Cheating Partner?" is out now! Annie Lane's second anthology -- featuring favorite columns on marriage, infidelity, communication and reconciliation -- is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit http://www.creatorspublishing.com for more information. Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.