An elephant was drinking out of a river one day, when he spotted a turtle asleep on a log. So, he ambled on over and kicked it clear across the river.

"What did you do that for?" Asked a passing giraffe.

"Because I ...Read More

A blind man was describing his favorite sport, parachuting. When asked how this was accomplished, he said that things were all done for him: "I am placed in the door with my seeing eye dog and told when to jump. My hand is...Read More

I've been on so many blind dates, I should get a free dog. - Wendy Liebman

Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth. - Erma Bombeck

If high heels were so wonderful, men would be wearing them. - Sue ...Read More

There were two guys on a motorcycle driving down the road. The driver was wearing a leather jacket that didn't have a zipper or any buttons.

Finally he stopped the bike and told the other guy, "I can't drive anymore with ...Read More

Wow, I just don't know what to do with this money we won in the lottery, so why don't you take it to the mall and see if you can find something to buy with it.

Hey, how about inviting your mother to spend the summer with...Read More

... continued from above

Walk into interviewer's office with a tape measure, measure office from a few angles, put away, declare; 'NOW we can begin.'

When making small talk and the Simpson trial comes up, shout: You mean...Read More