CHARLEVOIX, Michigan — One of comedian ‘n’ musician Steve Martin’s ol’ stand-up routines celebrated the banjo.

“When you’re playing the banjo, everything is OK,” he said, merrily strumming his favorite instrument. “I think the banjo is the one thing that could have saved Nixon. Think if he had been traveling around the country and got off the plane and said: ‘I’d like to talk about politics, but first a little Foggy Mountain breakdown.’ The banjo is so happy.”

The same could be said of the Alfa Romeo 4C.

The wee, mid-engine sportscar is one of the most joyous automobiles ever made. Accelerate through the gears on a curvy rural road and the 2,464-pound roller skate squirts forward with a calliope’s soundtrack — BWAAAHH! FFFT! HAWWMP! FOOOOSH! Downshift into a turn — BWOMP! FRRRZZZZ! WHOOOOOMP! — and the carbon fiber chassis demands more throttle. WHRAWHAWWWWW!

I review new cars for a living, but there are old icons worth revisiting. The 1959 VW Beetle, 1988 Porsche 944, 2001 BMW M3 E46, 2016 Dodge Viper ACR. The Alfa was made for four glorious model years, 2015-18, and became an instant classic. It had the unique, engaging personality of, well, Steve Martin.

As we embark on an era of commoditized electric vehicles built from the same platforms powered by the same lithium-ion batteries, the 4C may be remembered as one of the finest species of internal combustion sportscar.

It is the antithesis to the EV Era’s defining car, the Tesla Model 3.

Sitting inches apart in my garage, they are miles away in purpose. The all-wheel-drive Model 3 Performance is an electronic gaming console; the rear-wheel-drive Alfa an analog wind-up toy. The Model 3 is operated by a 15-inch screen; the Alfa has, um, a radio. The M3 boasts Autopilot software; the 4C has no power steering. Under hard throttle, M3 is stealthy as the wind; 4C farts like Deadpool after a dinner of pork ‘n’ beans.

The M3 wants to drive itself, the 4C demands to be driven. Just beware of road trips.

The Alfa is as close to a race car as you will find on the street. It is the rare production car built from ultra-stiff carbon-fiber monocoque “tub” construction like an IndyCar or IMSA prototype. Aluminum structures cradle the engine in back, the suspension in front. My Lola race car is made with a similar monocoque design (aluminum riveted tub instead of carbon fiber) and has zero body roll. It’s designed for a billiard-smooth race track.

I took the Alfa 4C on a road trip up north, and I can tell you where every single bump was on I-75. The interstate was under construction from mile post 92 to 125, with both northbound and southbound traffic sharing the rough southbound lanes while the northbound lanes were reconstructed. WHUMP-WHUMP, WHUMP-WHUMP, WHUMP-WHUMP went the Alfa over each broken seam. I placed the wheels on the asphalt ribbons that separated the lanes to survive the punishment.

Mile marker 125 brought (brief) relief as I returned to smooth pavement. But once in Flint, there was no escaping the buckled seams between each concrete patch. WHUMP-WHUMP, WHUMP-WHUMP, WHUMP-WHUMP. Chinese water torture is banned from international warfare? This is worse. WHUMP-WHUMP, WHUMP-WHUMP, WHUMP-WHUMP. I winced anticipating each seam until the torture mercifully stopped and fresh pavement returned from Bay City north.

Turn onto M-32’s twisties west of Gaylord and enter Elysium.

With sticky Pirelli P Zero summer tires at each corner, the chassis hugged the road like a blanket. Storming across the landscape, I spied in the distance a speedy Subaru WRX, one of the most competent performance sedans on the market. A full 1,000 pounds lighter than the Subie, the Alfa obliterated it through a series of S-turns before I popped across the broken center line of a straightaway to pass.

My momentum carried me quickly alongside, but the Alfa’s mere 1.7-liter turbo-4 is horsepower limited at 237 ponies, and the 271-horse WRX could have given me a run. Mercifully, the driver was a good sport, tooting his horn and giving me a big thumbs up as I passed. I pulled back into the lane ahead, annihilated another S-turn, and was gone.

Thumbs-ups are contagious, and not just from fellow motorheads. People love this car with its Italian supercar lines and cute, bite-size proportions.

At Michigan Beach in Charlevoix, my Italian meatball was a feast for the eyes.

“Ohhhhh, here we go!” called out some young lads.

“That’s beautiful. But how do you fit in it?” said a middle-aged lass staring up at my 6’5” frame.

Quite comfortably, actually. The monocoque’s tall sills are a challenge to swing your legs over (passenger Mrs. Payne was careful not to wear a skirt), but once inside, the seats are on the floor like a race car. A Toyota Supra, in comparison, feels like getting into an SUV.

“Can I raise the seat?” asked my motorhead friend Bob. Nope.

Seated low, the engine behind your ear, the car’s mass rotating around you, steering rooted to the earth, you feel at one with the road. Curiously for a car this playful, a stick option was never offered, but the dual-clutch, six-speed box is lightning quick and paired with shift paddles. It feels like carbon-tub supercar $500K Ford GT or $300K McLaren 720, but at a fraction of the cost.

With low mileage, a used 4C today goes for about the same price ($55K) as it did new in 2015 (not adjusted for inflation). For that, you get a fraction of the power from the 647-horse Ford or 710-horse McLaren. The Alfa lacks those cyborgs’ explosive acceleration. But that’s not a bad thing, given that public roads aren’t 45-foot-wide racetracks.

By all means, take the 4C to a track day when you can, but in the meantime, it won’t turn your hair white when you try launch control on a public road. The 4C is pure dopamine, a Cedar Point roller coaster ride.

Good thing, because there’s not much to engage you inside the cabin. The Alfa is spartan. Big console screen with wireless Apple CarPlay and back massage? Fuhgeddaboudit.

You get a radio. Period. No cruise control. One cupholder. No frunk storage. The rear hatch won’t even fit a banjo.

Come to think of it, the stiff 4C does share one thing with a gotta-stop-for-lengthy-charges EV: don’t make it your primary road-trip transportation.

2015-18 Alfa Romeo 4C

Vehicle type: Mid-engine, rear-wheel-drive, two-passenger sportscar

Price: In 2015, $55,195

Power plant: 1.7-liter, turbocharged 4-cylinder

Power: 237 horsepower, 258 pound-feet of torque

Transmission: Six-speed, dual-clutch automatic (with paddles)

Performance: 0-60 mph, 4.1 seconds (manufacturer)

Weight: 2,464 pounds

Fuel economy: EPA 24 mpg city/34 mpg highway/28 mpg combined

Report card

Highs: Italian sex appeal; race-car handling

Lows: Few amenities/storage options; stiff ride

Overall: 4 stars

____

©2024 www.detroitnews.com. Visit at detroitnews.com. Distributed by Tribune Content Agency, LLC.