ArcaMax

Register for your free account:

Subscribe to any feature and receive your newsletter directly in your inbox.
Easy email subscription management.
Claim your rewards from the Reader Perks section!

Jokes

Final Judgement

on Dec 16, 2008

Published in Jokes

A curious fellow died one day and found himself waiting in the long line of judgment.

As he stood there he noticed that some souls were allowed to march right through the pearly gates into heaven. Others, though, were led over to Satan who threw them into the burning pit. But every so often, instead of hurling a poor soul into the fire, Satan would toss a soul off to one side into a small pile. After watching Satan do this several times, the fellow's curiosity got the best of him. So he strolled over and asked Satan what he was doing.

"Excuse me, Prince of Darkness," he said. "I'm waiting in line for judgment, but I couldn't help wondering, why are you tossing those people aside instead of flinging them into the fires of hell with the others?" "Ah, those..." Satan said with a groan. "They're all from Seattle, they're too wet to burn."

More Jokes

Amber Ruffin Calls Out Steve Bannon for Telling Elon Musk to "Go Back to Africa"

Jokes / January 17, 2025

Late Night writer Amber Ruffin addresses Steve Bannon telling Elon Musk he should go back to South Africa.

Meanwhile... TikTok Refugees | Xavier Legette Ate A Squirrel | Paper Straws Suck

Jokes / January 17, 2025

Meanwhile... TikTok users are migrating to a different Chinese-owned app, an NFL player filmed himself preparing to eat a squirrel, research suggests paper straws contain harmful chemicals, and WalMart introduced a ...Read More

Brooke Shields Thought She Died After Waking Up Next to Bradley Cooper in Ambulance | Tonight Show

Jokes / January 17, 2025

Brooke Shields talks about John Mulaney recreating her iconic Calvin Klein ad from 45 years ago, the inspiration behind her book Brooke Shields Is Not Allowed to Get Old and creating her hair care brand Commence.

Anthony Anderson on Watching the Fire from His House, Packing to Evacuate & Jimmy Has a Bone to Pick

Jokes / January 17, 2025

Anthony talks about the city of LA coming together during the fires, volunteering with World Central Kitchen to deliver 300 meals, being in Vegas when the fires started, asking his son and friend Skinny Boy to get ...Read More

Rare Birds

Jokes / January 17, 2025

A guy is caught by a ranger eating a bald eagle and is consequently put in jail for the crime. On the day of his trial, the conversation went something like this:

Judge: "Do you know that eating a bald eagle is a federal ...Read More

The Rabbit

Jokes / January 17, 2025

The LAPD, The FBI, and the CIA are all trying to prove that they are the best at apprehending criminals. The President decides to give them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest and has each of them try to catch it.