1. A bicycle can't stand alone because it is two-tired.

2. What's the definition of a will? It's a dead giveaway.

3. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

4. A backward poet writes in verse.

5. In democracy it's your vote that counts. In feudalism it's your count that votes.

6. She had a boyfriend with a wooden leg, but she broke it off.

7. A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.

8. If you don't pay your exorcist, you get repossessed.

9. When she got married, she got a new name and a dress.

10. Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft and I'll show you A flat miner.

11. When your clock is hungry, it goes back four seconds.

12. The man who fell into an upholstery machine is now fully recovered.

13. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blown apart.

14. You will feel stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.

15. Local Area Network in Australia: the LAN down under.

16. He often broke into a song because he couldn't find the key.

17. Every calendar's days are numbered.

18. A lot of money is tainted. 'Taint yours ...and it 'taint mine.

19. A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.

20. He had a photographic memory.. which was never developed.

21. A plateau is a high form of flattery.

22. The short fortune teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

23. Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.

24. When you've seen one shopping center you've seen a mall.

25. Those who jump off a Paris bridge are in Seine.

26. When the actress saw her first strands of gray hair she thought she'd dye.

27. Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis.

28. Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.

29. Acupuncture is a jab well done.

30. Marathon runners with bad footwear will suffer the agony of defeat.