A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than he loves himself.

An aquarium is just interactive television for cats.

Buy a dog a toy and it will play with it for ever. Buy a cat a present and it will play with the wrapper for 10 minutes.

Cat's motto: No matter what you've done wrong, always try to make it look like the dog did it....Read more

The other night I dreamed that I had died and gone to Heaven. At the Pearly Gates I was met by Saint Peter who told me if I wanted to enter the gates of Heaven I must climb that ladder one rung at a time. On each rung I must write a sin that I committed during my life while on earth.

He then gave me a piece of chalk. I started, writing, ...Read more

Two rather nerdy engineering students were walking across campus when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike?"

The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, 'Take what you want.'" ...Read more

A man went to visit a friend and was amazed to find him playing chess with his dog. He watched the game in astonishment for a while. "I can hardly believe my eyes!" he exclaimed. "That's the smartest dog I've ever seen."

"Nah, he's not so smart," the friend replied. "I've beaten him three games out of five."

Jerry was removing some engine valves from a car on the lift when he spotted the famous heart surgeon Dr. Samuel Kaiser, who was standing off to the side, waiting for the service manager.

Jerry, who was somewhat of a loud mouth, shouted across the garage, "Hey Kaiser. Is dat you? Come over here a minute."

The famous surgeon, a bit surprised, ...Read more

The patient demanded, "Doc, I just must have a liver transplant, a kidney transplant, a cornea transplant, a lung transplant, and a heart transplant."

"WHAT?" yelled the doctor. "Tell me, exactly why you think you need all these transplants."

"Well," explained the patient, "my boss told me that I needed to get reorganized."

An elderly couple was watching television one evening. The wife said, "I am going to get a dish of ice cream now." Kindly, the husband offered to get the ice cream for his wife. "I'll write it down so you don't forget," she said.

"I won't forget," the old gent said. "But, I want chocolate syrup and nuts on it. So, I'll write it down," she ...Read more

"Whoever said you can't buy happiness forgot about puppies." -- Gene Hill

"Dogs feel very strongly that they should always go with you in the car, in case the need should arise for them to bark violently at nothing right in your ear." -- Dave Barry

"Outside of a dog, a book is probably man's best friend; inside of a dog, it's too dark to ...Read more