A gentleman was having some physical problems and his doctor told him that he had to drink warm water with Epsom Salts one hour before breakfast. At the end of a week he returned and the doctor asked if he was feeling better.

The man said that he actually felt worse. "Did you drink warm salt water an hour before breakfast each day?" the Doc ...Read more

The Anderson family just moved into their new home when a neighbor asked 5-year-old Tommy Anderson how he liked it.

“It’s great,” Tommy said. “I have my very own room and my brother Alex has his own room, and Jamie has her own room too! But poor mom, she is still with dad…”

A guy wanders into a pub one evening followed by a giraffe. They sit down, and over a number of hours get extremely drunk. As the bar is shutting, the man goes to leave.

The man behind the bar yells "Oi mate. You can't leave that lyin' there!"

The drunk turns around and says, "Oi mate, it isn't a lion. It's a giraffe!"

Most people assume WWJD is for "What would Jesus do?". But the initials really have been changed to stand for "What would Jesus drive?".

One theory is that Jesus would tool around in an old Plymouth because the Bible says, "God drove Adam and Eve out of the Garden of Eden in a Fury".

But in Psalm 83, the Almighty clearly owns a Pontiac ...Read more

"I want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford.

Then I want to move in with them."

~ Unknown ~

---

"I married a younger man. Ten years younger than I am. I figure it like this: If you can't find a good man, raise one."

~ Unknown ~

---

"Murphy told Quinn that his wife was driving him to drink.

Quinn remarked that Murphy ...Read more

An older couple is lying in bed one morning, having just awakened from a good night's sleep. He takes her hand and she responds, "Don't touch me."

"Why not?" he asks.

She answers back, "Because I'm dead."

The husband says, "What are you talking about? We're both lying here in bed together and talking to one another."

She says, "No, I'm ...Read more

These are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while the exchanges were taking place.

ATTORNEY: She had three children , right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?...Read more

Q: What looks like half a cat?
A: The other half!

Q: What was the name of the film about a killer lion that swam underwater?
A: 'Claws.'

Q: If a four-legged animal is a quadruped and a two-legged animal is a biped, What's a tiger?
A: A stri-ped!

Q: What do you get if you cross a tiger with a sheep?
A: A stripey ...Read more