A woman and a man are involved in a car accident.

It's a bad one. Both of their cars are totally demolished but amazingly neither of them are hurt.

After they crawl out of their cars, the woman says, "So you're a man,that's interesting. I'm a woman. Wow, just look at our cars! There nothing left but fortunately we are unhurt.

"This must be a ...Read more

Johnny: Daddy, are caterpillars good to eat?

Father: Have I not told you never to mention such things during meals!

Mother: Why did you say that, Junior? Why did you ask the question?

Johnny: It's because I saw one on daddy's lettuce, but now it's gone.

Joan, who was a rather well-proportioned secretary, spent almost all of her vacation sunbathing on the roof of her hotel. She wore a bathing suit the first day, but on the second, she decided that no one could see her way up there, and she slipped out of it for an overall tan.

She'd hardly begun when she heard someone running up the stairs. ...Read more

Becky prepared a pasta dish for a dinner party she was giving. In her haste, however, she forgot to refrigerate the spaghetti sauce, and it sat on the counter all day. She was worried about spoilage, but it was too late to cook up another batch.

She called the local Poison Control Center and voiced her concern. They advised Becky to boil the ...Read more

The most unfair thing about life is the way it ends.

Life is tough. It takes up a lot of your time. What do you get at the end of it? A death. I think the life cycle is all backwards.

You should die first, get it out of the way. Then you live in an old age home. You get kicked out when you're too young, you get a gold watch, you go to work.

...Read more

15. To err is human; to forgive is not our policy.

16. Anyone can do any amount of work provided it isn't the work he/she is supposed to be doing.

17. Important letters that contain no errors will develop errors in the mail.

18. If you are good, you will be assigned all the work. If you are really good, you will get out of it.

19. You are ...Read more

1. If you can't get your work done in the first 24 hours, work nights.

2. A pat on the back is only a few centimeters from a kick in the butt.

3. Don't be irreplaceable, if you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.

4. It doesn't matter what you do. It only matters what you say you've done and what you're going to do.

5. After any salary ...Read more

Joe and Frank were in the office, and noticed that someone had put up a suggestion box with some 3 x 5 cards next to it. Both decided that this was a great idea, and each took a card to fill out.

Joe wrote: "The office workers should all be given raises!"

When he looked at Frank's card, it said: "Can we all have raises, and keys to the ...Read more

A fellow went to the doctor, who told him that he had a bad illness and only a year to live. So the fellow decided to talk to his pastor. After the man explained his situation, he asked his Pastor if there was anything he could do.

"What you should do is go out and buy a late 70's or early 80's model Dodge Pickup," said the Pastor. "Then go get...Read more

Before rushing to work, I prepared a casserole for that evening's dinner and put it in the fridge. As I turned to leave, I told my son to stick it in the oven when he got home from school. "Make sure to put it in at 350," I said.

"Sorry, can't," he replied. "I don't get home until quarter after four."

[Borrowed from Reader's Digest.]

- Man who stand on toilet high on pot.

- Crowded elevator smell different to midget.

- He who eats too many prunes, sits on potty many moons.

- Man who fall in vat of molten glass make spectacle of self.

- Man who make love to girl on hill...he not on level.

- Honeymoon over when man who whispered sweet nothings before now say nothing sweet...Read more

Interviewer: "Congratulations on winning the lottery."

Farmer: "Thank you."

Interviewer: "Do you have any special plans for spending all of that money?"

Farmer: "Nope. Not really. I'm just gonna keep farming until the lottery money is all gone."

Q: What is the definition a "Lucky Break?"
A: When a busload of lawyers goes off a cliff.

Q: What is the definition of a "Crying Shame"?
A: There was an empty seat.

Q: What do you get when you cross the Godfather with a lawyer?
A: An offer you can't understand.

Q: Why is it that many lawyers have broken noses?
A: From...Read more

A physician, a civil engineer, and a computer scientist were arguing about what was the oldest profession in the world.

The physician remarked, "Well, in the Bible, it says that God created Eve from a rib taken out of Adam. This clearly required surgery, and so I can rightly claim that mine is the oldest profession in the world."

The civil ...Read more