ArcaMax

Dear Annie: It has recently come to my attention that my middle adult son has molested my adult daughter when she was 8 years old. She broke down and told me tearfully last week.

She is now 23, and he is 31. And I am completely at a loss of how I should feel, think, react. I'm basically an emotional wreck. He is married with four children (whom I now fear for), not to mention what his wife would think/do...

I'm REALLY at a loss because we were/are so close. Please, any thoughts on this? My daughter and I are OK; she knows I'm here for her and we will go at her pace and not push anything, but this explains a lot about her behavior over the years. I've looked for help on the web for this and all I get are hotlines. Thank you for your consideration. -- Concerned Parent

Dear Concerned Parent: Firstly, I want to extend my deepest sympathies to you and your daughter. Discovering such heartbreaking news will inevitably leave you feeling shocked, devastated and completely at a loss for how to proceed.

Your first priority must be the safety and well-being of your daughter. Your unconditional love and support are undoubtedly a huge source of comfort and strength for her. And it's natural to feel conflicted about your son, grappling with the love you have for him and the shock, devastation and rage you likely feel about his actions.

Seek professional guidance and support to help you navigate your emotions and make informed decisions about how to move forward. Consider reaching out to a therapist or counselor who specializes in family dynamics and trauma. Additionally, exploring support groups or networks for families of survivors of abuse can provide you with a sense of community.

One of the biggest questions a therapist can help you deal with is talking to your son about what he did, and whether he should tell his wife. She deserves to know the truth and make an informed decision about what to do next; her children's safety is at stake. If your son is willing to take responsibility for his actions and seek professional help to address the issues that contributed to this behavior, then perhaps there is a way for his family to get through this intact.

Above all, remember you are not alone in this. There are resources and support networks to help you -- and your family -- navigate this challenging journey.

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"How Can I Forgive My Cheating Partner?" is out now! Annie Lane's second anthology -- featuring favorite columns on marriage, infidelity, communication and reconciliation -- is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit http://www.creatorspublishing.com for more information. Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.