You’ve probably been told at some point in your life that there’s nothing wrong with a little white lie. And in some cases, yes — it’s better to tell your sister-in-law that her new haircut looks great rather than start a family war by making a joke about her losing a bet with her stylist. (Not saying this from personal experience, obviously…) But when it comes to dating profiles, lying is a big no-no.

As someone who reads dozens to hundreds of bios on dating apps and websites every week, one of the biggest instances of lying comes with regard to age, and it’s not limited to a certain gender. Some people shave a couple of years off their actual number in hopes of attracting a younger partner.

How do I know they’re lying? Well, in many cases, they will actually tell you. Often buried toward the bottom of the profile, they might write something like, “My real age is a few years older than what I’ve listed, but I feel younger than I am because I’m active and healthy” or “I’m actually 5 years old than I’ve said here, but I’m hoping to circumvent filters and appear in more search results.” Worse yet, some claim — I suspect often falsely — that they “can’t figure out how to fix their age.” (So… you were thinking about lying about your age then decided to tell the truth? Hmm… Also, it’s pretty easy to fix your age on Bumble anyway, so they’re actively choosing not to.)

Even if you come clean in a few paragraphs or on the first date, you have to reveal your biological age at some point, and a lie (or even a partial truth) is a lie. While you might get more people (more younger people) coming to your profile and reading your bio, it’s an immediate red flag because you’re showing that you’re OK with being deceptive if it gets you what you want. The person might think, “What else are they lying about or exaggerating in their profile? Are their photos a couple of years old? Are they also adding a few inches to their height? Do they really live in that town?” And why wouldn’t they think so — if you’re willing to lie about your age, who knows where the line is drawn?

No matter the intention, by lying about your age, what you’re doing — consciously or not — is disrespecting someone else’s preferences by tricking them into swiping right on you. While I do believe that you’re only helping yourself by expanding your search criteria — whether it’s by distance, the person’s height, age or any other factor that is slightly negotiable — that should always be by choice, not manipulation… and make no mistake, that’s what this is. You’re essentially saying, “Your preferences are wrong and I will not respect them.”

Age is just a number, it’s true, so it’s a shame that so many people are missing out on potential connections because of this search criteria. I think we all know couples in our lives who have significant age gaps and are perfectly happy. However, getting someone to read your profile, message you or even start a romantic connection based on a lie is just a terrible start to a relationship, full stop. Lying is, at best, a turn-off and, at worst, a complete deal-breaker — and understandably so.

No one likes being misled, so don’t be the one doing the fooling… or you’ll have to pay for it later.

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