- Save the whales. Collect the whole set.

- A day without sunshine is like...night.

- On the other hand, you have different fingers

- 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.

- 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.

- Remember, half the people you know are below average.

- He who laughs last thinks slowest.

- ...Read more

A couple with three children waited in line at San Francisco's Pier 41 to purchase tickets for a boat trip to Alcatraz. Others watched with varying degrees of sympathy and irritation as the young children fidgeted, whined, and punched one another. The frazzled parents reprimanded them to no avail. Finally they reached the ticket window.

"Five ...Read more

Have you been following this steroid scandal? This is first time in baseball history that the players have more additives in them than the hot dogs.

"The only time you can't afford failure is the last time you try." --Charles Kettering

---

"We don't have user-centricity. Until we understand context, which is way beyond presence--presence is the most trivial notion of context." --Bill Gates attempting to explain his company's .net initiative.

---

"Boy there's a lot of changes in ...Read more

One day an out-of-work mime is visiting the zoo and attempts to earn some money as a street performer.

However, as soon as he starts to draw a crowd, the zookeeper grabs him and drags him into his office.

The zookeeper explains to the mime that the zoo's most popular attraction, a gorilla, has died suddenly. The keeper fears that attendance...Read more

1) You can GET chocolate.

2) "If you love me you'll do that" has real meaning with chocolate.

3) Chocolate satisfies even when it has gone soft.

4) You can safely have chocolate while you are driving.

5) You can make chocolate last as long as you want it to.

Continued below...

In the middle of an argument a man said to his wife, "I don't know how you can be so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time!"

The wife responded calmly, "Allow me to explain...the good Lord made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me; and he made me stupid so I would be attracted to you!"

Isn't it strange that a group of very intelligent individuals combined into a political party become collectively stupid?

I may not agree with what you have to say, but I shall defend to the death your right to shut up.

To feel good about yourself, is there a quota on how many other people each day you have to condemn?

Only in America would ...Read more

Here are a few genuine news bloopers gleaned from American newspapers. These were taken from an article by Richard Lederer, author of "Anguished English."

- On behalf of Barbara Rutledge and her family, our sincere thanks go out to those sending flowers, cards and contributing to the death of her husband.

- The airplane was only a few ...Read more