- You could add/remove someone in your life using the control panel.

- You could put your kids in the recycle bin and restore them when you feel like it!

- You could improve your appearance by adjusting the display settings.

- You could turn off the speakers when life gets too noisy.

- You could click on “find” (Ctrl, F) to recover your ...Read more

My son is so lazy he won’t empty the trash in the computer recycle bin!

Arnold and his wife were cleaning out the attic one day when he came across a ticket from the local shoe repair shop. The date stamped on the ticket showed that it was over eleven years old. They both laughed and tried to remember which of them might have forgotten to pick up a pair of shoes over a decade ago.

"Do you think the shoes will still...Read more

Your name was given to us by a spouse or family member who is concerned about your internet addiction. At Internetaholics Anonymous, we can help.

Yes, you--we're talking to you. You, looking at this screen for hours on end, online. You, bleary eyed. You, an addict. Have you looked in the mirror lately? Been outside? Know what day of the week it...Read more

A police officer in a small town stopped a motorist who was speeding down Main Street.

"But officer," the man said, "I can explain."

"Just be quiet!!!" snapped the officer. "...or I'm going to let you cool off in jail until the chief gets back."

"But officer, I just wanted to say...."

"And I said KEEP QUIET! You're going to jail!" A few ...Read more

Dad's pager went off, summoning him to the hospital, where he is an anesthetist. As he raced toward the hospital, a patrol car sped up behind him--lights flashing.

Dad hung his stethoscope out the window to signal that he was on an emergency call.

Within seconds, came the police officer's hand in response, dangling a pair of handcuffs out the ...Read more

A little boy walked up to the librarian to check out a book entitled “COMPREHENSIVE GUIDE FOR MOTHERS.”

When the librarian asked him if it was for his mother, he answered ‘no.’

“Then why are you checking it out?”

“Because,” said the little boy confidently, “I just started collecting moths last week!”

Ole's neighbor Sven had a boy, Sven Junior, who came home one day and asked, "Papa, I have da biggest feet in da third grade. Is dat becoss I'm Norvegian?"

"No," said Sven, "It's because you're NINETEEN."

AUDI
Accelerates Under Demonic Influence
Always Unsafe Designs Implemented

BMW
Beautiful Mechanical Wonder
Big Money Works
Bought My Wife
Brutal Money Waster

BUICK
Big Ugly Indestructible Car Killer

CHEVROLET
Can Hear Every Valve Rap On Long Extended Trips
Cheap, Hardly Efficient, ...Read more

Knock Knock
Who's there!
Four Eggs!
Four Eggs who ?
Four Eggs ample !

- You go to get a balance inquiry, and instead of printing out a receipt the screen says: "Not worth wasting paper", and ejects your card. You try to get a balance inquiry, and the screen says: "Account not found." and keeps your card.

- You insert your card, and try to get some cash, and the ATM laughs and spits out your shredded card.

- You ...Read more

A young boy arrived to Sunday School class late. His teacher knew that the boy was usually very prompt and asked him if anything was wrong.

The boy replied no, that he was going to go fishing but his dad told him that he needed to go to church instead. The teacher was very impressed and asked the boy if his father had explained to him why it ...Read more

General Motors doesn't have a "help line" for people who don't know how to drive, because people don't buy cars like they buy computers -- but imagine if they did...

HELPLINE: "General Motors HelpLine, how can I help you?"

CUSTOMER: "I got in my car and closed the door, and nothing happened!"

HELPLINE: "Did you put the key in the ignition ...Read more