Paige called his fastball “Long Tom,” the foundation of not only a Hall of Fame arsenal but the sublimely ridiculous boundaries of what anyone could call a thrown baseball.

“I got bloopers, loopers and droopers,” Satchel is said to have said. “I got a jump ball, a be ball, a screwball, a wobbly ball, a whipsy-dipsy-do, a hurry-up ball, a nothin' ball and a bat dodger. My be ball is a be ball 'cause it 'be' right where I want it, high and inside.”

Paige also had pitches named the two-humper and the midnight creeper, and though many of his pitches remain undefinable, the general condition was that if Satchel threw it, you probably could not hit it. Well, don’t look now, but hitters in 2024 are making just about everybody look like Satchel Paige.

Baseball’s historically offensive summer for offense has seen diminished stat lines from coast to coast. Pitchers are dominating with both velocity and variety, so again, if we have to talk about it, let’s get a fresh grip on the terms.

A fastball remains a mostly straight pitch thrown very fast, although it’s mostly described as either a two-seamer or a four-seamer, depending on how it’s gripped. The four-seamer is the classical “rising” fastball, the two-seamer more like a sinker, which, you know, sinks. No one’s come up with a three-seamer, but I’ll bet someone’s working on it.

The curveball is still a pitch that curves due to a full snap of the wrist and a varied release, but it’s somehow been folded into a clock face for purposes of description, your 12-to-6 curveball being optimal, your 2-to-8 curveball less so and your 3-to-9 curveball now called a sweeper, I’m pretty sure.

The changeup is still a pitch that looks like a fastball to the hitter but is slower due to the grip, most commonly by making a circle with the thumb and forefinger, hence the term circle change.

After that, it gets complicated.

A cutter is a fastball that is gripped slightly off center and released with a slight snap of the wrist, hence “the little cutter.” There are no big cutters. A big cutter would be a curveball.

A slider is the thing between a fastball and a curveball, and a cutter the thing between a fastball and a slider.

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