From the Left
/Politics
Old, Small Joys
A guy I know, another writer, read one of my columns not long ago, and had a little advice.
"You shouldn't say how old you are," he said, giving me the worried/wisdom look.
"Why?" I asked.
"Because editors are gonna think you're writing a senior citizen column," he said. "Pretty soon, your stuff's going to be running next to the ad for the ...Read more
It's Not Wrong Anymore
Sometimes, you gotta start the job from the back.
People who used to think President Donald Trump was fighting an international ring of Hollywood-run pedophiles are now twitching all over because they can't get a look at the "Epstein client list." The list may or may not include Trump's name as one of the men who enjoyed the company of girls ...Read more
Epstein's What?
I knew a guy in Kansas City, and he got arrested for something involving somebody else's money.
The guy was looking at a sentence of maybe five years, but he didn't have much of a record, and his mother put up her house for bail, and his defense attorney took the deal, and the guy got three years of supervised probation.
After he completed ...Read more
Cheap and Fast
I remember being impressed when the Jehovah's Witnesses in the city where I lived needed a new Kingdom Hall, which is what they call their churches.
That thing got built fast, I mean in just a few days. Religiously motivated volunteer labor doesn't dog it on the job. You go to hell for that.
Down in Florida, where hurricanes are the will of ...Read more
An American Landscape
I don't burn sage because I want to purify my house. I burn cigars because they taste good. I like to burn them with a cup of black coffee or a glass of Irish whiskey.
I can box a little. I can ride a horse. I'm a fairly good shot.
So, right there, I get the serious, old-school manhood badge that so many guys cultivate with everything from ...Read more
The Fifth Estate
If you've been a reporter long enough, you learn that when people say you're a "member of the Fourth Estate," they mean to insult you and to let you know they read a book once.
The only exception is lawyers, who use the term the same way they use Latin, as a way to remind you that they've read a lot of books.
And in America, we can afford a ...Read more
Send In the Marines!
Send in the Marines! Damn! That sounds tough.
Say it. Just say it. Yell it into the silence of your living room.
"Send in the Marines!"
When you yell that, you automatically make a fist.
From the halls of Orange County. To the shores of Redondo Beach.
America hasn't really won a war overseas since 1945, so I guess we figured we could win ...Read more
6 Things I Did Before the Apocalypse
Old guys like me always believe the world is getting worse.
You're young and strong and you're hell in a fistfight, and you figure if you lose your white-collar job, you can just go tend bar somewhere until you get another job.
Yeah. That's beautiful, but it doesn't last. If you're not careful, in your later years, you start being nostalgic ...Read more
Abe Lincoln and the Penny
The penny, which costs more to make than it's worth, will be going away. That's a shocking reversal of government policy. Usually, the government doesn't stop producing anything that's overpriced or just plain worthless.
I'm just about old enough to remember little pieces of candy that sold for a penny at a little wooden-floored store near my...Read more
Here's a Tip
There are two things some of us know about taxes.
The first is that taxes are unfair because, "Hey! I earned that money."
The second is that if we didn't pay ANY taxes, then every government service would be free because if you don't pay for something, then it's free, right?
This is the kind of math that keeps the lottery in business. The ...Read more
Sleazin' on a Jet Plane
When I was much younger than I am right now, I got a new job.
I'd been out of work for a while before I got the job, but I had some freelance work and some money in the bank, and I lived cheap.
A small number of people worked there, and it was at least a little cozy, and I was new in town.
And I wasn't there too long before it was almost ...Read more
The Pope's Nose
I saw a priest in the coffee shop Wednesday morning.
He was wearing a cassock, the long black robe with buttons down the front that Catholic priests wore everywhere until Vatican II.
The cassock might mean he's what they call a "trad Catholic," which is short for "traditional Catholic" and means you act the way every Catholic did in 1964, ...Read more
His Mom Found His Pot
A word on generations. I'm from the "his mom found his pot" generation, which, speaking in substances, comes after the "Spanish fly makes girls crazy" generation and the "cocaine isn't really addictive, like heroin is" generation.
In other words, I graduated from high school in a proudly all-white, working-class Midwestern suburb in 1975.
...Read more