ArcaMax

Will they come at night? When I'm asleep next to my wife? When my cat Jack is curled up next to my ankles? Or in the daytime? When my wife is at work? When I'm at home reading and eating a bagel? Will I be gone when she gets home, and will she think I'm at the gym? Or will there be "signs of a struggle," as the newspapers say?

Presidential candidate Donald Trump, a dementia-ridden baby Hitler, isn't making any secret of his plans for intellectually cleansing a United States that's already so dumb half of us think Joe Biden controls the weather.

"I think the bigger problem is the enemy from within," Trump recently told Maria Bartiromo on "Sunday Morning Futures." "We have some very bad people, we have some sick people, radical left lunatics," he said. "It should be very easily handled by, if necessary, by National Guard, or if really necessary, by the military."

Trump will do anything with the military except join.

Anyway, the military? How big a fight do they think I'll put up? It's gonna take the Navy Seals to drag a 67-year-old writer out of his house and do an Anne Frank on him?

"Relax," part of my brain says. "You're a small-timer, Trump's all-seeing eye is not on you. You need not fear his baleful glance."

I am a small-timer. I'm as small time as a fried baloney sandwich on the kind of cheap white bread you leave fingerprints in when you press down the top of the sandwich. I'm as small time as changing your own oil, buying the sale brands in the grocery store and drinking beer from a can.

"Un-lax," the other part of my brain says. "You're a syndicated columnist. Over the last 15 years, newspapers all across the country have run your column, and you've never given Trump anything but fresh spit in his face. You're going away, my friend."

Hell, I've written two books in which I insult Trump.

This isn't funny anymore.

Me. Some priests. Rabbis. Some drag queens. Some women's rights and abortion rights crusaders. Black people. Many Black people. College professors. Maybe a couple of dangerous loons who write poetry or paint pictures. High school teachers who stopped Lenny and Larry from beating the snot out of a gay kid.

It's gonna be legal. There's gonna be paperwork. The guy from the Army will have shiny boots, and there's gonna be braid on the officer's hat. If you see 'em drag me out, remember that you support the troops.

Support anything in a uniform, and you'll be fine. Say "MAGA" all the time.

"Honey," your wife says to you. "Do you want to go to bed early tonight? You look hot in those gray sweatpants."

Wink at her and say, "MAGA, baby!"

You don't know who she's working for.

If they come for me, am I gonna get three months in the can? Are they gonna throw me a couple beatings and make me promise not to write bad stuff about Disco Dictator?

Or is it gonna be more like 10 years, and by the time I get out, I'll be talking funnier than Trump is right now? Or do I just get two in the hat, and I go up the chimney when the new crematoriums start working?

It's an exciting future of terror and death.

Will the local newspaper cover my "disappearance"?

Not if they know what's good for them.

You today, me tomorrow. That's the new motto. No one really believed that "with liberty and justice for all" garbage anyway.

To find out more about Marc Dion, and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit www.creators.com. Dion's latest book, a collection of his best columns, is called "Mean Old Liberal." It is available in paperback from Amazon.com and for Nook, Kindle, and iBooks.