New research suggests that our thinking about aging is, well, old and outdated. A recent study claims people do not age gradually in a slow, linear fashion, but age in waves.

From what I gather, these are not gentle waves we are talking about, but waves more like tsunamis.

The first tsunami hits around age 44. Check and done.

My experience has been that as you slide into your 40s and near 50, it feels as though someone keeps putting your clothes in the dryer and leaving them there too long.

Research says the second wave makes landfall in your 60s. This often occurs the same day you receive your Medicare card. Nothing ages you as quickly as carrying a Medicare card. Well, nothing except a slowing metabolism. Your 60s are when you need to start eating half as much as you used to and being 10 times as active.

The new research is probably correct. Aging is not slow and steady change—it comes in waves more like crescendos at the end of the “Hallelujah” chorus.

A biologist in Germany who studies colons in mice discovered similar aging wave patterns. My question is not about waves, but about how one studies the colons of mice. “Hop on the table little fellow and roll on your side. Do you have a driver in the waiting room?”

Another researcher commenting on the wave theory said, “Most changes are not linear.” Of course, most changes are not linear—they’re curvaceous.

The study also refers to “meaningful changes” happening as people age. As a wordsmith, I love good word choices. It’s not what you say, but how you say it that matters.

“Honey, I notice meaningful changes around your midsection.”

Another group of researchers noted yet a third wave of change sweeping over people around age 78. I have ridden wave one and wave two and am not pleased knowing yet a third wave lurks on a distant horizon waiting for a throwdown.

To care or not to care, that is the question.

I choose not to care. I am putting the next wave out of my mind and savoring each sunrise and sunset. By forgetting about the next wave, I am essentially planning a surprise party for myself.

And now I’m off to call the appliance repair people to come check the dryer.

©2024 Tribune Content Agency, LLC