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Q: I know my 10-year-old daughter is going to be facing tremendous peer pressure as she matures and enters the teen years. How can I help her develop the confidence to resist and stay true to the values we're teaching her?

Jim: Far too many teenagers seem incapable of resisting their friends when it counts. The good news is your children can learn to say "no." But keep in mind that you have to let them start by saying it to you. Don't panic -- I'll clarify that in a moment.

The word "no" is a critical boundary, and saying it is a crucial life skill. Without it, we don't have our own beliefs or opinions, and our individuality gets steamrolled by others more willing to speak their mind. Furthermore, it's a self-perpetuating cycle -- when we aren't able to draw healthy boundaries, we can end up being pulled deeper and deeper into more and more situations that compromise our convictions.

The reluctance to express an opinion often begins at home. When a child tells a parent "no" or disagrees over some matter, it's considered "backtalk." And the parent usually reacts by squelching the child's behavior with a stern warning that it must never happen again. It's little wonder, then, that kids dread taking a stand against the outside world when they're accustomed to having their opinions condemned by those closest to them.

Now, sure, a child shouldn't be allowed to speak disrespectfully to a parent or to dismiss their authority. But kids learn to take value in their own opinions -- and themselves -- when parents value their perspective. So, as long as your child behaves respectfully, allow her room to have an opinion, especially when it differs from yours. That will build her confidence to stand behind what she believes out in the real world when it matters most.

Q: It drives me crazy when my husband wears ragged old shirts and refuses to get rid of them. Sometimes I "help" him by making them quietly disappear. He generally doesn't notice, but recently I got busted when he went looking for a particular faded relic that I'd turned into a dust rag. Now I'm in the doghouse. Is what I did really that bad?

Dr. Greg Smalley, Vice President, Marriage & Family Formation: I've had many laughs over the years with couples where the wife is baffled by the husband's inability to part with weathered wearables. It's a mystery to the ladies that seemingly defies reason. So, take comfort in knowing that you're in the company of some good women -- including Mrs. Erin Smalley!

That said, while the phenomenon is humorous, and your actions aren't catastrophic (I assume your husband's not completely shirtless), there's a sense in which a foundational building block of your marriage -- respect -- may need some repair. And that may be true for both of you.

For your husband's part, he may have legitimate reasons for wanting to keep and wear these shirts (and as a guy, I'll vouch that there are some, even if they seem ... dumb). Regardless of your assessment, it's his stuff and his feelings, and you need to respect that. On your end, you probably have valid reasons for being concerned about his wearing these shirts, and he should also respect that.

The key is communication. This incident provides a natural springboard to talk about the issue, with a great opportunity to listen to and learn about each other. My recommendation: Begin the conversation with a heartfelt apology and a true desire to hear his perspective. Hopefully, you'll find your way to reasonable compromise and new understanding of each other. If you think our staff counselors can help, call 855-771-HELP (4357).

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Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at jimdalyblog.focusonthefamily.com or at Facebook.com/JimDalyFocus.

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COPYRIGHT 2025 Andrews McMeel Syndication. This feature may not be reproduced or distributed electronically, in print or otherwise without the written permission of Andrews McMeel Syndication.